I’ve never liked boundaries.
Every therapist’s book and every Instagram square tells me to set them. Something in me pushes back, and this week I worked out what.
The kind I don’t like is the wall. A list of rules the whole world is supposed to obey so that I stay comfortable. The world never got the memo. Most people will never know where your lines are, so you end up a border guard. Patrolling, enforcing, disappointed. And behind a wall that high, your own strength goes soft, because you never need it.
The kind I do like is small, and it sits between two people. A red line, agreed together. This is what I can carry, and this is what I can’t. An agreement is made together. A boundary is usually announced.
An email from a reader a little while ago put it better than I can. She isn’t growing thorny hedges to keep people out. She’s growing a garden she can invite people into. Edges, yes. And a gate.
Gates, not thorns.
The problem with building walls is they sometimes become a prison as we forget to take them down.
Before you defend anything this week, one breath. Then ask: is this a gate or a thorn?
Where in your life has a wall quietly become a prison? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.
I apologise for missing last Sunday. Life just is a bit hectic at the moment and I never scheduled the time. Thank you for keeping a place at the table for me.
Much love, Steven
Stillness in the Storms 176, Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?. Out this morning. Why I have never liked the word, where boundaries do belong, and what the old texts had instead of them. Listen here or on Apple Podcasts.
Inner Peace Meditations 85, The Garden of Your Heart: A Meditation to Uncover Your Inner Strengths. The garden with a gate, as a practice. Nothing gets built in this one. You walk round a garden finding the strengths that were already growing there. Listen here or on Apple Podcasts.
Thank you to Brian and Joy, Reishin, Susan, Jane, Ankita, Daniel, Cassie, Melanie and Joan, who supported my work these past two weeks, and to the anonymous supporters and everyone on Insight Timer. You all keep the podcasts free from adverts.
If you would like to support, listen to the podcasts, or just say hello: stevenwebb.uk