When I started meditating I thought it was simple. Sit down, be quiet, have peace, no thoughts, absolute bliss. It lasted less than a minute. I think I only started because it was cool and trendy, if I am honest. I was only 22 and it took my rock bottom to take it seriously.
Then came the breathing. The teacher said breathe in, and I had not finished breathing in yet. Now breathe out, and I already had, because I was hyperventilating. Even being told how to breathe never worked with me. I ended up lightheaded, or asleep.
What finally landed was my teacher telling me to just sit and do nothing. STFU was the acronym. It really was that simple. My body knows how to breathe. My mind knows how to go quiet. My only job is to get out of their way, again and again and again.
So here is the confession that became this week’s episode title. We’re all terrible meditators. Every one of us. If meditation means sitting there with a quiet mind, enjoying the peace, then I have been failing at it for years. So have you. That is not the practice. The practice is the noticing.
The mind wanders because that is what it evolved to do. If it finds a gap, it fills it. Most of the time you are being thought, not doing the thinking. Try this. What is your next thought going to be? You have no idea. Neither do I. Nobody does.
I loved my snow globe as a child. Shake it and the snow goes everywhere, and the only way to get it to settle is to do nothing. Just watch. Keep shaking it, keep trying to make it fall a certain way, and it never does. Life will shake it again anyway. Your job is not to stop the shaking. Your job is to stop helping.
Bob Ross used to say we don’t make mistakes, we have happy accidents. Every time the mind wanders off to that party twenty years ago, or the thing you need to do next Tuesday, that is a happy accident. Notice it. Smile. Say thank you, mind. Come back. That is one rep, and that is the whole thing.
And I will say the quiet part. I have done 178 of these podcasts now and I have not found the one little thing that sorts life out forever. I have got to the wisdom that it does not exist, and that is all right. What meditation gives you is smaller and better. Five minutes where most of your problems are not actually in the room or even exist.
There are different meditations, different forms that lead to different ways of waking up and this certainly is not the only way but it's a damn good start. It'll take you a long way down the spiritual road to inner peace. Not aliens or bliss. That's not what this is about.
Get somewhere five minutes early this week and sit in the car. Do not pick up the phone. Every time you catch the mind doing something, bring it back to what you can hear, what you can feel, what is under your bum. While you are there, notice your shoulders. Most of us hold them up all day, on guard. Let them drop.
When you first tried meditating, was it what you thought it would be? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.
Much love, Steven
Stillness in the Storms 178, We’re All Terrible Meditators: The Art of Doing Nothing on Purpose. This letter at length, with the snow globe, Bob Ross, and the four letter instruction. Listen here or on Apple Podcasts.
Inner Peace Meditations 114, Nothing to Get Right: A Peace Meditation With Little Instruction. The meditation that goes with it. Ten minutes, and it barely says a word. Nobody tells you how to breathe. Listen here or on Apple Podcasts.
Thank you to Tracey, Carol, Hayden, Sarafena, Cheryl and Strength from Within Yoga, who supported my work this week, to Rowan, who has just become a monthly supporter, and to the anonymous supporters and everyone on Insight Timer. You all keep the podcasts free from adverts.
If you would like to support, listen to the podcasts, or just say hello: stevenwebb.uk