Built a wall to keep the world out, and now it feels like a prison? A meditation for boundaries with a gate.
About 11 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath.
Imagine a wall around you, all the way round, to keep out everything that stings. At first it feels wonderful. Then the strange thing: inside the wall our own strength goes soft, like a leg in plaster. And one day we need people again, and the world never reads our rules. So we try a garden with a gate instead, and tend what grows inside it. A little wisdom, a little strength, a little kindness. Then three gentle wishes with a hand on your heart. May I be safe with my gate open. May I be loved just as I am. May I be strong enough to let the world in. A boundary was never meant to be a prison. It is a garden edge, and you hold the key.
The companion talk episode: Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?
Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for sitting with me.
Steven
Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)
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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,050
Steven Webb: Hi, I'm Steven Webb, and welcome to a meditation for healthy boundaries, and the kind that keep you safe
2
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,580
Steven Webb: without shutting the world out.
3
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:17,500
Steven Webb: I like the phrase, "Gates you can open, not walls that are closed."
4
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:30,374
Steven Webb: So if you just allow your body to relax in this moment Allow your shoulders to relax and your face and
5
00:00:30,424 --> 00:00:32,770
Steven Webb: your shoulders and arms.
6
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:45,890
Steven Webb: Allow your arms and fingers to relax, including your back and your belly and your legs The body knows
7
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:46,490
Steven Webb: how to relax.
8
00:00:46,540 --> 00:01:03,410
Steven Webb: We just allow it to happen And then become aware of your breath Aware that you're breathing in And aware
9
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:13,700
Steven Webb: that you're breathing out And just become the observer.
10
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:32,730
Steven Webb: Observing the breath Observing that you're a body sat here and relaxing You can feel the quiet You're
11
00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:50,830
Steven Webb: the observer that can hear my words We don't need to do anything with the body And just while you're settling
12
00:01:50,880 --> 00:02:00,720
Steven Webb: in, I will use the word boundary and all I mean is knowing what we can carry today and what we cannot.
13
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:15,670
Steven Webb: It's not a wall, it's a gate that we can look after and we can choose when it opens So as you become aware
14
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:29,970
Steven Webb: of your breath, breathing in calm, breathing out relaxed And let this moment be what it is You may notice
15
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:44,910
Steven Webb: the mind going a little quieter Especially as the body just settles into this moment And imagine for a
16
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,060
Steven Webb: moment a wall that is built around ourselves.
17
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:58,190
Steven Webb: A big one, all the way around and is to keep out everything that stings.
18
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:14,130
Steven Webb: Every sharp word or every rude driver, every worry everything that we feel uncomfortable about Every group
19
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:28,230
Steven Webb: of people perhaps you have struggling with going to functions and lots of people And how tempting this
20
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,380
Steven Webb: is, the quiet, the safety.
21
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,500
Steven Webb: Nobody can touch us.
22
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,100
Steven Webb: We can just feel lovely and calm.
23
00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:57,870
Steven Webb: No one can hurt us And I think apart from the wall, at first it feels wonderful It feels safe, like having
24
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:21,110
Steven Webb: a nice bubble around us But here's the strange thing Inside the wall our own strength goes soft We never
25
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:38,370
Steven Webb: need our courage, so we get sleepy We never need our wisdom, so it starts to go quiet Very much like a
26
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:39,700
Steven Webb: leg in plaster.
27
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:53,110
Steven Webb: It's protected, so when you take it out, it's weak And one day when we're in the real world, when we've
28
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:59,260
Steven Webb: got to go to that place, and we always have to eventually, we need people.
29
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:05,170
Steven Webb: We're interdependent on people, we need We need help.
30
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:26,510
Steven Webb: We need love And then we open the door and the world comes in And the world never reads our rules Nobody
31
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:50,010
Steven Webb: out there knows our boundaries They come in and they help themselves to our emotions The problem is our
32
00:05:50,060 --> 00:06:01,650
Steven Webb: rules are only ever written on the inside of the wall and nobody takes notice of the outside So what if
33
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,800
Steven Webb: we try something different?
34
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:17,060
Steven Webb: A garden with a gate And just imagine feeling what this would feel like.
35
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,660
Steven Webb: We tend to what grows inside of us instead.
36
00:06:24,820 --> 00:06:32,000
Steven Webb: A little wisdom, knowing what is ours to carry and what is not.
37
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:50,830
Steven Webb: A little strength, trusting we can meet what comes And a little kindness for ourselves and then for everyone
38
00:06:50,880 --> 00:07:04,200
Steven Webb: at the gate And you can say inside gently.
39
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,170
Steven Webb: I have boundaries.
40
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:15,760
Steven Webb: They are not set in stone I can open the gate.
41
00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:49,090
Steven Webb: I can close the gate And whatever comes through it, I have the wisdom and the strength to meet it And
42
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:58,140
Steven Webb: three gentle wishes for you today Maybe you want to place your hand on your heart just feel these.
43
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:07,740
Steven Webb: May I be safe with my gate open May I be safe with my gate open?
44
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:25,200
Steven Webb: May I be loved just as I am May I be loved just as I am.
45
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:54,430
Steven Webb: May I be strong enough to let the world in May I be strong enough to let the world in And a boundary was
46
00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:02,970
Steven Webb: never meant to be a prison It's a garden edge, and you hold the key.
47
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:08,510
Steven Webb: And some days the gate stays shut, and that is fine.
48
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:23,830
Steven Webb: Most days it can open a little wider than we think And in a moment I'll guide you back, and I want you
49
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:29,870
Steven Webb: to take this back with you today, and that is healthy boundaries have gates.
50
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:39,070
Steven Webb: And if we can build our strength and wisdom to deal with the world out there, we no longer need to build
51
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:46,700
Steven Webb: these walls So five, just feel the room and feel your body.
52
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,490
Steven Webb: Four, just gently open your eyes.
53
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:55,250
Steven Webb: Three, just shake out your arms, your fingers and toes, and maybe just move your body a little bit.
54
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,410
Steven Webb: Two, look around.
55
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:59,690
Steven Webb: And one, just take a deeper breath and just, ah.
56
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:05,610
Steven Webb: How much better does it feel to know that you can open gate?
57
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:08,270
Steven Webb: These boundaries are not absolute.
58
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,330
Steven Webb: They're not solid.
59
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:20,260
Steven Webb: They are for you to use Thank you for sitting with me today and being brave to put a gate in those walls.
60
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:27,350
Steven Webb: It does mean a lot, and just a reminder, I don't put any adverts in any of these meditations, and they're
61
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:33,010
Steven Webb: free to the world, and they're free because of the generosity of the listeners.
62
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,250
Steven Webb: People like you that just donate a coffee.
63
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,910
Steven Webb: That's all.
64
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:44,470
Steven Webb: And if you'd like to support or hear about my other podcast, Stillness in the Storms, just head over to
65
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:49,190
Steven Webb: stevenwebb.uk Perhaps join my Weekly Calm newsletter.
66
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,280
Steven Webb: Thank you.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,050
Steven Webb: Hi, I'm Steven Webb, and welcome to a meditation for healthy boundaries, and the kind that keep you safe
2
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,580
Steven Webb: without shutting the world out.
3
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:17,500
Steven Webb: I like the phrase, "Gates you can open, not walls that are closed."
4
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:30,374
Steven Webb: So if you just allow your body to relax in this moment Allow your shoulders to relax and your face and
5
00:00:30,424 --> 00:00:32,770
Steven Webb: your shoulders and arms.
6
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:45,890
Steven Webb: Allow your arms and fingers to relax, including your back and your belly and your legs The body knows
7
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:46,490
Steven Webb: how to relax.
8
00:00:46,540 --> 00:01:03,410
Steven Webb: We just allow it to happen And then become aware of your breath Aware that you're breathing in And aware
9
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:13,700
Steven Webb: that you're breathing out And just become the observer.
10
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:32,730
Steven Webb: Observing the breath Observing that you're a body sat here and relaxing You can feel the quiet You're
11
00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:50,830
Steven Webb: the observer that can hear my words We don't need to do anything with the body And just while you're settling
12
00:01:50,880 --> 00:02:00,720
Steven Webb: in, I will use the word boundary and all I mean is knowing what we can carry today and what we cannot.
13
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:15,670
Steven Webb: It's not a wall, it's a gate that we can look after and we can choose when it opens So as you become aware
14
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:29,970
Steven Webb: of your breath, breathing in calm, breathing out relaxed And let this moment be what it is You may notice
15
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:44,910
Steven Webb: the mind going a little quieter Especially as the body just settles into this moment And imagine for a
16
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,060
Steven Webb: moment a wall that is built around ourselves.
17
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:58,190
Steven Webb: A big one, all the way around and is to keep out everything that stings.
18
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:14,130
Steven Webb: Every sharp word or every rude driver, every worry everything that we feel uncomfortable about Every group
19
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:28,230
Steven Webb: of people perhaps you have struggling with going to functions and lots of people And how tempting this
20
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,380
Steven Webb: is, the quiet, the safety.
21
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,500
Steven Webb: Nobody can touch us.
22
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,100
Steven Webb: We can just feel lovely and calm.
23
00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:57,870
Steven Webb: No one can hurt us And I think apart from the wall, at first it feels wonderful It feels safe, like having
24
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:21,110
Steven Webb: a nice bubble around us But here's the strange thing Inside the wall our own strength goes soft We never
25
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:38,370
Steven Webb: need our courage, so we get sleepy We never need our wisdom, so it starts to go quiet Very much like a
26
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:39,700
Steven Webb: leg in plaster.
27
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:53,110
Steven Webb: It's protected, so when you take it out, it's weak And one day when we're in the real world, when we've
28
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:59,260
Steven Webb: got to go to that place, and we always have to eventually, we need people.
29
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:05,170
Steven Webb: We're interdependent on people, we need We need help.
30
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:26,510
Steven Webb: We need love And then we open the door and the world comes in And the world never reads our rules Nobody
31
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:50,010
Steven Webb: out there knows our boundaries They come in and they help themselves to our emotions The problem is our
32
00:05:50,060 --> 00:06:01,650
Steven Webb: rules are only ever written on the inside of the wall and nobody takes notice of the outside So what if
33
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,800
Steven Webb: we try something different?
34
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:17,060
Steven Webb: A garden with a gate And just imagine feeling what this would feel like.
35
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,660
Steven Webb: We tend to what grows inside of us instead.
36
00:06:24,820 --> 00:06:32,000
Steven Webb: A little wisdom, knowing what is ours to carry and what is not.
37
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:50,830
Steven Webb: A little strength, trusting we can meet what comes And a little kindness for ourselves and then for everyone
38
00:06:50,880 --> 00:07:04,200
Steven Webb: at the gate And you can say inside gently.
39
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,170
Steven Webb: I have boundaries.
40
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:15,760
Steven Webb: They are not set in stone I can open the gate.
41
00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:49,090
Steven Webb: I can close the gate And whatever comes through it, I have the wisdom and the strength to meet it And
42
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:58,140
Steven Webb: three gentle wishes for you today Maybe you want to place your hand on your heart just feel these.
43
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:07,740
Steven Webb: May I be safe with my gate open May I be safe with my gate open?
44
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:25,200
Steven Webb: May I be loved just as I am May I be loved just as I am.
45
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:54,430
Steven Webb: May I be strong enough to let the world in May I be strong enough to let the world in And a boundary was
46
00:08:54,480 --> 00:09:02,970
Steven Webb: never meant to be a prison It's a garden edge, and you hold the key.
47
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:08,510
Steven Webb: And some days the gate stays shut, and that is fine.
48
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:23,830
Steven Webb: Most days it can open a little wider than we think And in a moment I'll guide you back, and I want you
49
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:29,870
Steven Webb: to take this back with you today, and that is healthy boundaries have gates.
50
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:39,070
Steven Webb: And if we can build our strength and wisdom to deal with the world out there, we no longer need to build
51
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:46,700
Steven Webb: these walls So five, just feel the room and feel your body.
52
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,490
Steven Webb: Four, just gently open your eyes.
53
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:55,250
Steven Webb: Three, just shake out your arms, your fingers and toes, and maybe just move your body a little bit.
54
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,410
Steven Webb: Two, look around.
55
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:59,690
Steven Webb: And one, just take a deeper breath and just, ah.
56
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:05,610
Steven Webb: How much better does it feel to know that you can open gate?
57
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:08,270
Steven Webb: These boundaries are not absolute.
58
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,330
Steven Webb: They're not solid.
59
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:20,260
Steven Webb: They are for you to use Thank you for sitting with me today and being brave to put a gate in those walls.
60
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:27,350
Steven Webb: It does mean a lot, and just a reminder, I don't put any adverts in any of these meditations, and they're
61
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:33,010
Steven Webb: free to the world, and they're free because of the generosity of the listeners.
62
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,250
Steven Webb: People like you that just donate a coffee.
63
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,910
Steven Webb: That's all.
64
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:44,470
Steven Webb: And if you'd like to support or hear about my other podcast, Stillness in the Storms, just head over to
65
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:49,190
Steven Webb: stevenwebb.uk Perhaps join my Weekly Calm newsletter.
66
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,280
Steven Webb: Thank you.