What Is Healthy Control? Zen, Stoicism, and the Art of Letting Go

Control. A word that hums with tension, tugs at the soul. We’re conditioned to seek it like thirsty wanderers in a desert. But what happens when control starts to control you? It’s time we discuss the power dynamics in your own life. Are you genuinely empowered or are you ensnared in an illusion of control?

The Mirage of Control

In the societal race to be the puppeteer and not the puppet, we forget one crucial fact: we don’t control everything. No amount of micromanaging or foresight can prepare us for life’s uncertainties. Jack Kornfield once said, “To bow to the fact of our life’s sorrows and betrayals is to accept them; and from this deep gesture, we discover that all life is workable.”

How workable is your life right now? Are you clinging onto things with clenched fists or are you open to the natural flow of life?

Zen Approach: The Power of Now

Let’s delve into Zen Buddhism. Here, control isn’t about manipulation or coercion; it’s about mastery over one’s thoughts and emotions. Zen asks you to exist ‘now,’ to find solace in your immediate actions and thoughts. There’s a Zen saying: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” It’s not about leading the orchestra; it’s about playing your instrument with full awareness.

Can you live your life one note at a time?

Stoicism: The Dichotomy of Control

Stoicism, that ancient philosophy rooted in emotional resilience, hands us a crisp formula: control what you can, accept what you can’t. Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, framed it like this: “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” You see, Stoicism is a lot like triage. Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us. The wisdom is in knowing the difference.

Do you know what’s truly within your realm of control?

Balancing Act: The Interplay of Zen and Stoicism

The fusion of Zen and Stoicism offers a balanced outlook. Imagine taking life as it comes, yet still having an oar in the water. Richard Rohr talks about “holding the tension of opposites,” and it’s here that Zen and Stoicism converge. Life isn’t just about letting go or holding tight; it’s about discerning when to do each.

So, where’s the balance in your life? Are you caught in extremes?

Conclusion: Healthy Control—Your Personal Equilibrium

Healthy control doesn’t come from dominance, nor does it come from passivity. It comes from understanding your locus of control, and knowing when to exert force and when to yield. As Alan Watts would put it, it’s the “wisdom of insecurity”—finding peace within the ambiguity, comfort within the discomfort.

Are you ready to reshape your definition of control?