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I just turned 50 this week, and man, that’s a big deal for me! I’m feeling a lot of gratitude for my life, especially considering I’ve been in a wheelchair for over 30 years. In this episode, I dive into what it really means to become whole. We talk about how embracing all parts of ourselves—good, bad, and everything in between—can totally change how we live and love. Plus, I share how reflecting on my life and the people I’ve lost has shaped my views on legacy and connection. So, let’s explore how we can integrate all those messy feelings to create a life we love!
No sponsors but you can treat me to a coffee at stevenwebb.uk
Turning 50 is a milestone that brings a lot of reflections. I just celebrated this birthday, and it’s wild to think of all the years I’ve lived, especially considering I’ve been in a wheelchair since I was 18. There were times I thought I wouldn’t make it to this age, but here I am, feeling grateful for every moment. I spent my birthday evening at a carol singing event at a crematorium, which sounds heavy, but it turned into a beautiful celebration of life and a reminder of the legacy we leave behind. I’ve lost many friends along the way, and it’s a poignant reminder that every moment counts. In this podcast, I want to discuss the importance of reflecting on our lives and the legacies we create.
The conversation about legacy is intertwined with our journey of becoming whole. I’ve struggled with feelings of shame related to my disability for years, and it held me back from asking for help and embracing my life fully. This episode is about recognizing those feelings and integrating them into our lives rather than pushing them away. Becoming whole is about accepting all parts of ourselves, the good and the bad. When we acknowledge our struggles, we can learn to move forward and grow. It’s about understanding that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
As I reflect on my experiences, I encourage listeners to think about their own journeys and how they can embrace their true selves. We often look for others to complete us, but true wholeness comes from within. This episode is a call to action to integrate all our experiences and emotions into a coherent self. Let’s support each other in this journey, acknowledging our past while looking forward to the future, and celebrating the lives we’ve lived and the legacies we’re building.
Takeaways:
- Turning 50 is a milestone, and I celebrate it because I’ve made it this far.
- Having been paralyzed since I was 18, I never thought I would reach 50 years old.
- Reflection on life and loss happens on birthdays, especially when attending funerals.
- Becoming whole means embracing all parts of ourselves, even the uncomfortable ones.
- Integrating our feelings leads to better relationships and a greater appreciation for life.
- It’s essential to listen to the quiet voices within us and not rely on others.
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So I turned 50 years old this week.
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That's something I thought I would never see.
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And whenever birthday come up, I'm always very much celebrating.
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I've never been one of those ones that things.
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Oh, no. I'm 40 or I know I'm 30.
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I'm like, Yes, I made it to 50 years old and being paralysed
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since 18 years old, you know, I was lying in that hospital bed.
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I thought, you know what, if I, in five, ten years
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in paralysed, sitting down my body
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the way it ended up, I thought I would never
I thought I'd be good for ten years.
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I'd be pretty good with that.
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But no, here I am, 50 years old, 31 years in a wheelchair.
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I think that's going pretty damn well.
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So, yeah.
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Thank you, Body. Thank you, life. Thank you.
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What's gratitude?
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Every cell in my body
that, you know just works tirelessly to keep me here and keep me alive.
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And with this wonderful experience of life.
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And I thought with a wonderful irony in a twist, I spent the evening
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up at the
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crematorium on a carol singing evening, the lovely evening.
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It was a wonderful reminder of the people we lost.
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Wonderful reminder of Jesus been born and the life cycle.
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I was just thinking.
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We often look at 50 years old, just halfway through, or
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if it is halfway through and I've got another 50 years left.
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But in a way, I don't think that's.
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But yeah, 50 years old of the crematorium.
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What a time for reflection.
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And I did.
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Many people have said goodbye to their
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leader, my friend.
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A you know, in the thirties.
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And I say goodbye to many other people.
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Mrs. No's,
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so many other funerals.
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I've been there and Mrs. No's funeral.
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I was really saddened actually,
because there was not very many people there.
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I said to the vicar at the time
and they were really sad that not many people came to a funeral.
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Annie Guest is not sad.
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I mean, she outlived many of her friends.
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I look today completely different.
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I thought, Wow. Yes.
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And I thought about whenever you see these huge funerals,
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we have literally hundreds and sometimes thousands of people.
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It means that they died too early.
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Maybe they're not
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the universe.
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What the universe does is way above my pay grade.
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But yeah, I just it was a wonderful reflection on my legacy.
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So I thought, that's my next podcast.
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I want to talk about our legacy of what we do and and,
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you know, we all want to leave a legacy of some kind,
but I'm not going to go into detail with that.
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I want to talk about coming home.
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I said to a friend emailed me and told me about this,
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and she said about in single and becoming whole.
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And I just thought, Let's do a podcast about it.
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This is my favourite
and I love it whenever I come alive, whenever I'm talking about
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becoming integral, becoming whole, becoming the best possible human.
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What does it mean? Was like, how can we do it?
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Does it improve our relationships, all those things.
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So we're going to cover those topics on today's podcast.
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And today's podcast is about becoming all.
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So I'm Stephen Webb.
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This is Stillness in the Storms, a podcast
that helps you to get through the most difficult times in life,
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a podcast that helps you to expand your mind and expand the way you live
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and really become more whole.
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Enjoy life more.
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You improve your relationships, improve is the way you live
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and just get more joy out of it.
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And I really want to cover
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the subject of what does it mean to become whole?
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So why is it important?
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Let's cover that to begin with
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and why is it important?
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Well, it will improve every aspect of your life
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more you integrate
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being human and the experience here of being human,
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The more you start to love life and enjoy life,
the more gratitude you'll have for every moment.
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It won't always be great.
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You won't get to that place of peace, joy and enlightenment
and be happy ever after.
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You will end up having more sad and lonely times as well.
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You'll also have better,
happier joy, peace, enlightenment, times as well.
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And so by integrating both, you'll become less of a victim.
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You'll you'll recognise your feelings more often.
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You'll take notice of them.
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And what does it mean by becoming?
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How will?
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For many, many years I suffered from shame and I never knew I did.
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Not me. I'm glad Chip on my shoulder.
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I'm not one of these people that suffers from shame
and things like that.
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I'm doing really well in life. I'm always happy
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that I didn't ask people to
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help.
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If someone offered me help, I would say, No, I'm okay.
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I like
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and I never realised why.
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And then I was looking at trying to fundraise
for a new electric wheelchair
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and one of my fellow councillors said to me,
Why don't you just ask me why?
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I can ask people.
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When I ask people, I got to give them something.
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Is it now You do many things for people.
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Why don't you just ask them to fundraise?
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Ask them to donate towards a new electric wheelchair for you.
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You deserve it.
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I say no, you can do that.
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I've got to like, raise money for charity. I've got to do this.
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I'll do that.
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And I asked.
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And they gave.
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And three months later I bought a new electric route
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and it made me think about something.
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An act said to me one day and we were signing my daily bib.
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And I know I remember the discussion.
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She said something to me and it triggered me.
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She looked up and goes, There's a problem.
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See, you've got a problem with being disabled.
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You have like this chip on your shoulder.
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And she didn't say in that way.
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I cannot remember the exact sentence, she said,
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but I really pissed me off.
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And my normal reaction would be, You're wrong.
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That so?
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You have no idea.
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You don't know what you're talking about.
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And I would argue and I'd fight it, but I didn't.
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I sat there and thought,
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well, maybe if it affects me, maybe if it bothers me, maybe she's right.
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Maybe there's something there.
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Now, then I don't think she was being all right.
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However,
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she was right.
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I had this
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shame about my disability.
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I didn't feel like I earned my
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right to be disabled.
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Zaha, here
I am, severely paralysed when I see other people that are disabled.
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I'm like, Wow, you do so well in life
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that I had this deep shame about.
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I was the one that broke my neck and I was a dumb ass that did it.
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So I had a real shame about that,
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asking people for my help.
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It's like, Well, how can I ask someone for my help
When I was the one that went and died in the pool?
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I was a dumbass that night.
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So when anybody says to me,
You're an inspiration, Stephen, you're doing so well
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and you're doing so amazing, I just.
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I didn't believe them.
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I thought, No, no, I'm the that Martha dived into a pool
I created by accident.
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I don't deserve all this help.
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I don't deserve all these things and all these great things
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that people do and help me wave and fund for me and things like that.
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I feel that I've
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got to pay my way and pay it all back
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because I don't deserve it.
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And there it was.
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That was my shame, holding me back for 30 years,
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29 years maybe.
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I can't remember quite when this was.
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And suddenly I felt free.
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Suddenly I could see it.
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Do I still feel shame?
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Yes, that voice still comes up.
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But I've integrated as part of my life now.
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I still feel shame about the actions that I did that night.
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I was a massive dived into the pool.
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But because I integrate that and that feeling,
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I now have the ability to go know what?
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It's not that they're complimenting me on
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when they say you're an inspiration, it's
because the other things I do since then, that's what I've done with it.
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So I integrate that.
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So becoming whole is about not denying the bit
you don't like or the bits that affect your body.
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You. It's not trying to disprove people that trigger you and bother you.
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It's about, Oh, there's something there that's integrated
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as it is of my life.
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And I do have a shame about my accident where I did it.
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And that's okay to have that.
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But it no longer controls me.
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It no longer affects me in my daily things.
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So when someone offers to help me,
my original trigger used to be no know.
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I walk away now
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say No, I'm fine, I don't need it now.
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My initial reaction is, Oh, okay, help me.
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And yeah, so when someone pays me a compliment, now I take and I,
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I am grateful for it.
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So when I say about coming home,
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integrate the things we don't like as well,
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is there the things that are holding
you back more and invest in other things you fear going
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Someone says something that pisses you off.
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Go there,
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sit down peacefully. Don't argue.
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I'm not saying argue back and say the wrong end of it.
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I'm saying sit in silence later that day and go,
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Maybe they're right, maybe they're right.
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And with that,
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with that attitude of openness,
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we listen to more voices within.
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And the more voices we listen with then,
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you know,
those quiet ones that are screaming out that we're trying to deny
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and those loud ones that we hear all the time,
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that we tend to focus on way, way too much.
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You integrate them more and you kind of level in the amount.
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There's no denying the ones we don't want.
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We enhance them a little more.
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And instead of giving all the attention to the ones that
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we enjoy, we lessen them a little.
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That doesn't mean to say we don't enjoy them,
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but where does this really help us?
208
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And I tell you one place this really helps us becoming all
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is relationship.
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I've been single.
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I'm been in a relationship
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now. Then this is one of my
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this is where my favourite subject really comes alive and is
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we're not attracted to opposites.
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No, we have this old thought that opposites attract
216
00:11:43,468 --> 00:11:48,039
and it feels like it and it looks like it, but bear with me a minute.
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Let just just open your mind for a moment and consider this.
218
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It looks like it from the outside.
219
00:11:56,047 --> 00:12:00,518
When you look at a couple
see you look at that band member that's on stage singing
220
00:12:01,252 --> 00:12:04,288
and they tend to date someone that's quite quiet on
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00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:07,658
the front row and once that
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00:12:10,628 --> 00:12:12,730
quite quiet on the front row.
223
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And so you've got the extrovert on stage
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dating the introvert in the front way,
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and it looks like they're completely opposite
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and they are to the person looking from the outside.
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But really that one on stage
wants to enhance that quiet voice inside of them.
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And the one in the front wants more of that louder voice.
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They want to become that.
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So what we do is we end up dating somebody that looks opposite to us.
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Narcissist.
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They really quiet person
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with the quiet voice that isn't controlling,
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that isn't able to take control of situations and make decisions,
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seem to be attracted to the person that makes decisions
and take control and vice versa.
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And it's because a person wants to have more control.
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Make decision
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instead of them enhancing it
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and growing that muscle in themselves.
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They somebody
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that does it for them
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and vice versa.
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That narcissist that and I'm saying narcissist,
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we're all narcissists in some respect.
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I'm not talking about a psychopathic narcissist.
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I'm not talking about the word I.
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I'm talking about the teenage
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kind of narcissist is all about me, that kind of person.
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And we can all be there sometimes.
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We you know, we all we all should embrace that
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healthy, narcissistic
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empowerment voice within us, but not the unhealthy one.
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That's not that's not makes those two.
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And if you'd like me to do a podcast on that
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healthy and unhealthy narcissistic control, things like that,
I'm more than happy to do.
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So let me now email me.
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Let's go to Stephen Webb, UK,
and you could message me more than happy to do that.
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It's a really interesting subject, but going back to
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so the person that
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makes all the decisions
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want somebody to that
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they don't want to make a decision all the time.
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They feel they have to, so therefore they take someone.
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They cannot make decisions, whereas really they want the opposite.
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They want somebody else to do the opposite to them
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is because they want to embrace.
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They feel like becoming whole.
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They have to have somebody else to replace what they are.
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And that's where it comes down to combat muddled up.
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Now, my thinking, but if you think about you as a person,
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as you're developing, if you've got a quiet voice,
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then you tend to date narcissist or things like that.
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Is it really that you are attracted to them
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or is it that you really want to have a little more control in your life
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and you want to have that voice
and you want to start making decisions for yourself?
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You fear doing it sometimes.
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So instead of embracing that fear and becoming whole
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and and integrate in that voice,
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you tend to date somebody.
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It it for you.
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And that's why in our twenties, authorities,
when we split up in a relationship, it feels like half was ripped apart
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because the person we're dating
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completes us.
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Yeah, that lands like a wow
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indeed for me.
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So in my forties,
I started integrating all those voices and I'm still working on it.
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There's no way to get too afraid
when you get when you think you got there, you go in as an old,
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as an old ancient Zen saying,
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when you get to the top of the mountain, keep climbing
because there's always somebody to go.
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There's no enlightenment at the top of the mountain, but becoming
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whole, you integrate every part of your life,
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you know, right from the grief,
the shame to the peace and the joy and the love, the desires.
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You don't deny any of these feelings you enjoy and embrace all of them.
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It'll come and go like the poem by Rumi.
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You know, it's like these emotions will come and go
and they're in your house
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and they'll do all these things, embrace them all
as if they're a gift from the gods.
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And it's a gift.
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They've been human.
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You imagine getting to the end of your life,
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and we've relied on
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everybody else to complete many things that we are not.
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And you get to the new life
and someone says, You know that your favourite band,
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they had another channel you never heard
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or you know, I used things like that and there was extra clothes
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or there was all these other modes in your car that you never switched
on, you never knew about them.
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Well, that's what it's like. We deny all those extra modes.
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We deny all these our feelings because about uncomfortable.
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But when you embrace slight uncomfortable,
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you don't only unlock that, you unlock the opposite.
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At the same time
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you when you embrace making decisions.
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If you find it difficult,
you unlock the ability to take control of your life
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as well, rather than having someone control your life.
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This makes sense.
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So how do you do this?
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One of the things you can do is give to people
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that you admire and could be famous people.
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They could be this somebody from history
or somebody your friends or anything like that.
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You could simply be admire and you can write this down.
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This is a really good exercise.
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Write this down and email me.
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But two people you admire
and think of the traits that you admire about them.
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And for me it would be like Bill Clinton.
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And I love the way he talks, the way he embraces
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what seems to be the wisdom and the talks and the
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and the openness to be able to communicate really well despite politics.
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Put politics aside for a minute
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and Jordan Po, my teacher and
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Ocean and many other teachers I've had you know,
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that wholeness and ability to stay wise and calm
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when everything is going really wrong.
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Now I really admire them, but I'm learning to do that in my life.
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And then things are okay.
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Things are
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becoming more whole and you just integrate it.
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And then the more you integrate, the more skills
you have, the more ability to be able to do these things.
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Suddenly there you are.
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Not worried about life? No.
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Worried about what comes up because you already have the skills
you don't need.
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The other person, a different person,
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and you don't need your teacher, You don't need any of those things.
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You know, the perfect teachers don't.
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They don't say, right, I'm not going to teach you anything,
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but I'm going to hang out with you just in case you need that
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the perfect teacher teaches you use those skill
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and that's the point of becoming whole, is
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now become your teacher
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and your teacher.
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Well, integrate it in your life.
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Don't rely on somebody else.
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Don't rely on life. Don't rely on the government or anybody else.
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Integrate everything in your life.
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You know, listen to those voices.
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Invite the quiet ones to speak up.
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If you find decisions hard,
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not make in smaller decision, and then grow that muscle to do that,
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you know, by not becoming whole, what you do it
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is you asking someone else to go to the gym and do the running for you
and you hang out with them
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in some weird way that we think will will get the benefit from Labour.
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So that's why I talk about when I talk about
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becoming whole, let me know if that helps.
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I'm going to go up to my parents right now
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because they've organised a and party for me for my fifth year
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and I'm worried about like sewing and aftercare and then what?
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They're waiting for me.
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So I love you guys.
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You guys have also become more whole. Integrate everything.
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Listen, there's choir voices.
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Stop looking for somebody else to do it for you.
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Stop looking for your teachers to hang out with you
just in case you need them.
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You know, embrace all those voices within.
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Soften the louder voices
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within that you always go to embrace the good and bad times,
make it all part of it.
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And if you didn't this in my last week's podcast,
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I talked about the stick, the boyfriend's stock shop in the state.
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It's not last week's podcast, and you know what I mean?
377
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That take care of an awesome week.
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Head over to Stephen Webb, UK if I help in any way cheaply to a coffee
that would be awesome.
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Helps me with editing.
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00:21:23,446 --> 00:21:27,850
It helps me with I am for the platform that my podcast goes out on
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and it helps me to build my email list
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00:21:31,387 --> 00:21:34,557
so I can email you
and let you know all those things cost a little bit of money.
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00:21:34,557 --> 00:21:37,827
So if you head over to Stephen Webb Dot UK
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TV to a coffee, I don't really buy a coffee.
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Just helps me do these things, the editing and things like that.
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So really appreciate it.
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Otherwise look, just have an awesome week and I will see you next week.
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Take care. Bye.
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,773
So I turned 50 years old this week.
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That's something I thought I would never see.
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And whenever birthday come up, I'm always very much celebrating.
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I've never been one of those ones that things.
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Oh, no. I'm 40 or I know I'm 30.
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I'm like, Yes, I made it to 50 years old and being paralysed
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since 18 years old, you know, I was lying in that hospital bed.
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I thought, you know what, if I, in five, ten years
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in paralysed, sitting down my body
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the way it ended up, I thought I would never
I thought I'd be good for ten years.
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I'd be pretty good with that.
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But no, here I am, 50 years old, 31 years in a wheelchair.
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I think that's going pretty damn well.
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00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:54,821
So, yeah.
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Thank you, Body. Thank you, life. Thank you.
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What's gratitude?
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Every cell in my body
that, you know just works tirelessly to keep me here and keep me alive.
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And with this wonderful experience of life.
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And I thought with a wonderful irony in a twist, I spent the evening
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up at the
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crematorium on a carol singing evening, the lovely evening.
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It was a wonderful reminder of the people we lost.
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Wonderful reminder of Jesus been born and the life cycle.
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I was just thinking.
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We often look at 50 years old, just halfway through, or
26
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if it is halfway through and I've got another 50 years left.
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But in a way, I don't think that's.
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But yeah, 50 years old of the crematorium.
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What a time for reflection.
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And I did.
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Many people have said goodbye to their
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leader, my friend.
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A you know, in the thirties.
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And I say goodbye to many other people.
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Mrs. No's,
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so many other funerals.
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I've been there and Mrs. No's funeral.
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I was really saddened actually,
because there was not very many people there.
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I said to the vicar at the time
and they were really sad that not many people came to a funeral.
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Annie Guest is not sad.
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I mean, she outlived many of her friends.
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I look today completely different.
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I thought, Wow. Yes.
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And I thought about whenever you see these huge funerals,
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we have literally hundreds and sometimes thousands of people.
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It means that they died too early.
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Maybe they're not
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the universe.
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What the universe does is way above my pay grade.
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But yeah, I just it was a wonderful reflection on my legacy.
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So I thought, that's my next podcast.
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I want to talk about our legacy of what we do and and,
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you know, we all want to leave a legacy of some kind,
but I'm not going to go into detail with that.
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I want to talk about coming home.
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I said to a friend emailed me and told me about this,
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and she said about in single and becoming whole.
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And I just thought, Let's do a podcast about it.
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This is my favourite
and I love it whenever I come alive, whenever I'm talking about
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becoming integral, becoming whole, becoming the best possible human.
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What does it mean? Was like, how can we do it?
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Does it improve our relationships, all those things.
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So we're going to cover those topics on today's podcast.
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And today's podcast is about becoming all.
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So I'm Stephen Webb.
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This is Stillness in the Storms, a podcast
that helps you to get through the most difficult times in life,
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a podcast that helps you to expand your mind and expand the way you live
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and really become more whole.
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Enjoy life more.
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You improve your relationships, improve is the way you live
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and just get more joy out of it.
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And I really want to cover
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the subject of what does it mean to become whole?
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So why is it important?
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Let's cover that to begin with
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and why is it important?
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Well, it will improve every aspect of your life
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more you integrate
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being human and the experience here of being human,
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The more you start to love life and enjoy life,
the more gratitude you'll have for every moment.
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It won't always be great.
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You won't get to that place of peace, joy and enlightenment
and be happy ever after.
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You will end up having more sad and lonely times as well.
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You'll also have better,
happier joy, peace, enlightenment, times as well.
84
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,786
And so by integrating both, you'll become less of a victim.
85
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:51,757
You'll you'll recognise your feelings more often.
86
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,993
You'll take notice of them.
87
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:58,430
And what does it mean by becoming?
88
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:00,099
How will?
89
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For many, many years I suffered from shame and I never knew I did.
90
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,340
Not me. I'm glad Chip on my shoulder.
91
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:12,878
I'm not one of these people that suffers from shame
and things like that.
92
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I'm doing really well in life. I'm always happy
93
00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:18,684
that I didn't ask people to
94
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help.
95
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,189
If someone offered me help, I would say, No, I'm okay.
96
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I like
97
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:29,795
and I never realised why.
98
00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:34,299
And then I was looking at trying to fundraise
for a new electric wheelchair
99
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:39,438
and one of my fellow councillors said to me,
Why don't you just ask me why?
100
00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:41,540
I can ask people.
101
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,842
When I ask people, I got to give them something.
102
00:05:43,842 --> 00:05:45,577
Is it now You do many things for people.
103
00:05:45,577 --> 00:05:48,981
Why don't you just ask them to fundraise?
104
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Ask them to donate towards a new electric wheelchair for you.
105
00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:53,018
You deserve it.
106
00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:54,186
I say no, you can do that.
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I've got to like, raise money for charity. I've got to do this.
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I'll do that.
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And I asked.
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And they gave.
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And three months later I bought a new electric route
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and it made me think about something.
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An act said to me one day and we were signing my daily bib.
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And I know I remember the discussion.
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She said something to me and it triggered me.
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She looked up and goes, There's a problem.
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See, you've got a problem with being disabled.
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You have like this chip on your shoulder.
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And she didn't say in that way.
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I cannot remember the exact sentence, she said,
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but I really pissed me off.
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And my normal reaction would be, You're wrong.
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That so?
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You have no idea.
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You don't know what you're talking about.
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And I would argue and I'd fight it, but I didn't.
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I sat there and thought,
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well, maybe if it affects me, maybe if it bothers me, maybe she's right.
129
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Maybe there's something there.
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Now, then I don't think she was being all right.
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However,
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she was right.
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I had this
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shame about my disability.
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I didn't feel like I earned my
136
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right to be disabled.
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Zaha, here
I am, severely paralysed when I see other people that are disabled.
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I'm like, Wow, you do so well in life
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that I had this deep shame about.
140
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I was the one that broke my neck and I was a dumb ass that did it.
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So I had a real shame about that,
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asking people for my help.
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It's like, Well, how can I ask someone for my help
When I was the one that went and died in the pool?
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I was a dumbass that night.
145
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So when anybody says to me,
You're an inspiration, Stephen, you're doing so well
146
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and you're doing so amazing, I just.
147
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I didn't believe them.
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I thought, No, no, I'm the that Martha dived into a pool
I created by accident.
149
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I don't deserve all this help.
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I don't deserve all these things and all these great things
151
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that people do and help me wave and fund for me and things like that.
152
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I feel that I've
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got to pay my way and pay it all back
154
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because I don't deserve it.
155
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And there it was.
156
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That was my shame, holding me back for 30 years,
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29 years maybe.
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I can't remember quite when this was.
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And suddenly I felt free.
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Suddenly I could see it.
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Do I still feel shame?
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Yes, that voice still comes up.
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But I've integrated as part of my life now.
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I still feel shame about the actions that I did that night.
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I was a massive dived into the pool.
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But because I integrate that and that feeling,
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I now have the ability to go know what?
168
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It's not that they're complimenting me on
169
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when they say you're an inspiration, it's
because the other things I do since then, that's what I've done with it.
170
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So I integrate that.
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So becoming whole is about not denying the bit
you don't like or the bits that affect your body.
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You. It's not trying to disprove people that trigger you and bother you.
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It's about, Oh, there's something there that's integrated
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as it is of my life.
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And I do have a shame about my accident where I did it.
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And that's okay to have that.
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But it no longer controls me.
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It no longer affects me in my daily things.
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So when someone offers to help me,
my original trigger used to be no know.
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I walk away now
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say No, I'm fine, I don't need it now.
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My initial reaction is, Oh, okay, help me.
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And yeah, so when someone pays me a compliment, now I take and I,
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I am grateful for it.
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So when I say about coming home,
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integrate the things we don't like as well,
187
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is there the things that are holding
you back more and invest in other things you fear going
188
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Someone says something that pisses you off.
189
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Go there,
190
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sit down peacefully. Don't argue.
191
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I'm not saying argue back and say the wrong end of it.
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I'm saying sit in silence later that day and go,
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Maybe they're right, maybe they're right.
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And with that,
195
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with that attitude of openness,
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we listen to more voices within.
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And the more voices we listen with then,
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you know,
those quiet ones that are screaming out that we're trying to deny
199
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and those loud ones that we hear all the time,
200
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that we tend to focus on way, way too much.
201
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You integrate them more and you kind of level in the amount.
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There's no denying the ones we don't want.
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We enhance them a little more.
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And instead of giving all the attention to the ones that
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we enjoy, we lessen them a little.
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That doesn't mean to say we don't enjoy them,
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but where does this really help us?
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And I tell you one place this really helps us becoming all
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is relationship.
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I've been single.
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I'm been in a relationship
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now. Then this is one of my
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this is where my favourite subject really comes alive and is
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we're not attracted to opposites.
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No, we have this old thought that opposites attract
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and it feels like it and it looks like it, but bear with me a minute.
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Let just just open your mind for a moment and consider this.
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It looks like it from the outside.
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When you look at a couple
see you look at that band member that's on stage singing
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and they tend to date someone that's quite quiet on
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the front row and once that
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quite quiet on the front row.
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And so you've got the extrovert on stage
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dating the introvert in the front way,
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and it looks like they're completely opposite
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and they are to the person looking from the outside.
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But really that one on stage
wants to enhance that quiet voice inside of them.
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And the one in the front wants more of that louder voice.
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They want to become that.
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So what we do is we end up dating somebody that looks opposite to us.
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Narcissist.
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They really quiet person
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with the quiet voice that isn't controlling,
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that isn't able to take control of situations and make decisions,
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seem to be attracted to the person that makes decisions
and take control and vice versa.
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And it's because a person wants to have more control.
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Make decision
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instead of them enhancing it
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and growing that muscle in themselves.
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They somebody
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that does it for them
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and vice versa.
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That narcissist that and I'm saying narcissist,
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we're all narcissists in some respect.
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I'm not talking about a psychopathic narcissist.
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I'm not talking about the word I.
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I'm talking about the teenage
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kind of narcissist is all about me, that kind of person.
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And we can all be there sometimes.
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We you know, we all we all should embrace that
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healthy, narcissistic
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empowerment voice within us, but not the unhealthy one.
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That's not that's not makes those two.
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And if you'd like me to do a podcast on that
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healthy and unhealthy narcissistic control, things like that,
I'm more than happy to do.
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So let me now email me.
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Let's go to Stephen Webb, UK,
and you could message me more than happy to do that.
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It's a really interesting subject, but going back to
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so the person that
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makes all the decisions
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want somebody to that
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they don't want to make a decision all the time.
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They feel they have to, so therefore they take someone.
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They cannot make decisions, whereas really they want the opposite.
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They want somebody else to do the opposite to them
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is because they want to embrace.
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They feel like becoming whole.
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They have to have somebody else to replace what they are.
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And that's where it comes down to combat muddled up.
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Now, my thinking, but if you think about you as a person,
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as you're developing, if you've got a quiet voice,
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then you tend to date narcissist or things like that.
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Is it really that you are attracted to them
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or is it that you really want to have a little more control in your life
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and you want to have that voice
and you want to start making decisions for yourself?
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You fear doing it sometimes.
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So instead of embracing that fear and becoming whole
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and and integrate in that voice,
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you tend to date somebody.
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It it for you.
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And that's why in our twenties, authorities,
when we split up in a relationship, it feels like half was ripped apart
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because the person we're dating
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completes us.
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Yeah, that lands like a wow
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indeed for me.
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So in my forties,
I started integrating all those voices and I'm still working on it.
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There's no way to get too afraid
when you get when you think you got there, you go in as an old,
288
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as an old ancient Zen saying,
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when you get to the top of the mountain, keep climbing
because there's always somebody to go.
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There's no enlightenment at the top of the mountain, but becoming
291
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whole, you integrate every part of your life,
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you know, right from the grief,
the shame to the peace and the joy and the love, the desires.
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You don't deny any of these feelings you enjoy and embrace all of them.
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It'll come and go like the poem by Rumi.
295
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You know, it's like these emotions will come and go
and they're in your house
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and they'll do all these things, embrace them all
as if they're a gift from the gods.
297
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And it's a gift.
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They've been human.
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You imagine getting to the end of your life,
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and we've relied on
301
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everybody else to complete many things that we are not.
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And you get to the new life
and someone says, You know that your favourite band,
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they had another channel you never heard
304
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or you know, I used things like that and there was extra clothes
305
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or there was all these other modes in your car that you never switched
on, you never knew about them.
306
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Well, that's what it's like. We deny all those extra modes.
307
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We deny all these our feelings because about uncomfortable.
308
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But when you embrace slight uncomfortable,
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you don't only unlock that, you unlock the opposite.
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At the same time
311
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you when you embrace making decisions.
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If you find it difficult,
you unlock the ability to take control of your life
313
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as well, rather than having someone control your life.
314
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This makes sense.
315
00:17:44,361 --> 00:17:46,096
So how do you do this?
316
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One of the things you can do is give to people
317
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that you admire and could be famous people.
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They could be this somebody from history
or somebody your friends or anything like that.
319
00:17:58,108 --> 00:18:00,944
You could simply be admire and you can write this down.
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This is a really good exercise.
321
00:18:02,045 --> 00:18:05,682
Write this down and email me.
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But two people you admire
and think of the traits that you admire about them.
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And for me it would be like Bill Clinton.
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00:18:15,158 --> 00:18:20,230
And I love the way he talks, the way he embraces
325
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:23,299
what seems to be the wisdom and the talks and the
326
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:27,837
and the openness to be able to communicate really well despite politics.
327
00:18:27,837 --> 00:18:30,473
Put politics aside for a minute
328
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and Jordan Po, my teacher and
329
00:18:34,978 --> 00:18:38,782
Ocean and many other teachers I've had you know,
330
00:18:38,782 --> 00:18:42,419
that wholeness and ability to stay wise and calm
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when everything is going really wrong.
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Now I really admire them, but I'm learning to do that in my life.
333
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And then things are okay.
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Things are
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becoming more whole and you just integrate it.
336
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And then the more you integrate, the more skills
you have, the more ability to be able to do these things.
337
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Suddenly there you are.
338
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Not worried about life? No.
339
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Worried about what comes up because you already have the skills
you don't need.
340
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The other person, a different person,
341
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and you don't need your teacher, You don't need any of those things.
342
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You know, the perfect teachers don't.
343
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They don't say, right, I'm not going to teach you anything,
344
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but I'm going to hang out with you just in case you need that
345
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:31,034
the perfect teacher teaches you use those skill
346
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:35,438
and that's the point of becoming whole, is
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now become your teacher
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and your teacher.
349
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Well, integrate it in your life.
350
00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:45,715
Don't rely on somebody else.
351
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:48,551
Don't rely on life. Don't rely on the government or anybody else.
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Integrate everything in your life.
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You know, listen to those voices.
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Invite the quiet ones to speak up.
355
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If you find decisions hard,
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00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:04,367
not make in smaller decision, and then grow that muscle to do that,
357
00:20:05,201 --> 00:20:08,271
you know, by not becoming whole, what you do it
358
00:20:08,271 --> 00:20:12,909
is you asking someone else to go to the gym and do the running for you
and you hang out with them
359
00:20:13,409 --> 00:20:17,947
in some weird way that we think will will get the benefit from Labour.
360
00:20:19,582 --> 00:20:21,517
So that's why I talk about when I talk about
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becoming whole, let me know if that helps.
362
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:27,223
I'm going to go up to my parents right now
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because they've organised a and party for me for my fifth year
364
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:35,698
and I'm worried about like sewing and aftercare and then what?
365
00:20:35,732 --> 00:20:36,866
They're waiting for me.
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So I love you guys.
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00:20:38,668 --> 00:20:41,804
You guys have also become more whole. Integrate everything.
368
00:20:42,305 --> 00:20:43,539
Listen, there's choir voices.
369
00:20:43,539 --> 00:20:45,641
Stop looking for somebody else to do it for you.
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00:20:46,242 --> 00:20:50,880
Stop looking for your teachers to hang out with you
just in case you need them.
371
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,851
You know, embrace all those voices within.
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Soften the louder voices
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within that you always go to embrace the good and bad times,
make it all part of it.
374
00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:05,094
And if you didn't this in my last week's podcast,
375
00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:10,533
I talked about the stick, the boyfriend's stock shop in the state.
376
00:21:10,533 --> 00:21:12,735
It's not last week's podcast, and you know what I mean?
377
00:21:13,503 --> 00:21:15,771
That take care of an awesome week.
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00:21:15,771 --> 00:21:21,644
Head over to Stephen Webb, UK if I help in any way cheaply to a coffee
that would be awesome.
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00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:23,446
Helps me with editing.
380
00:21:23,446 --> 00:21:27,850
It helps me with I am for the platform that my podcast goes out on
381
00:21:28,618 --> 00:21:31,387
and it helps me to build my email list
382
00:21:31,387 --> 00:21:34,557
so I can email you
and let you know all those things cost a little bit of money.
383
00:21:34,557 --> 00:21:37,827
So if you head over to Stephen Webb Dot UK
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00:21:38,628 --> 00:21:41,464
TV to a coffee, I don't really buy a coffee.
385
00:21:41,464 --> 00:21:44,000
Just helps me do these things, the editing and things like that.
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00:21:44,767 --> 00:21:46,369
So really appreciate it.
387
00:21:46,369 --> 00:21:50,172
Otherwise look, just have an awesome week and I will see you next week.
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00:21:50,473 --> 00:21:53,509
Take care. Bye.