9 Mindsets You Need to Ditch for True Happiness

“Happiness is a choice,” they say. Not rocket science, is it? Yet, we wrap ourselves in layers of self-doubt, criticism, and habits that are just dodgy at best. What if the path to genuine joy lies in the things you decide to let go of? You see, happiness is not just about accumulating; sometimes it’s about subtracting.

Look, we’re all human; we’ve got flaws and less-than-stellar habits. Me? Guilty as charged. I’ve ticked every box on this list at some point. But self-awareness is halfway to change. When I catch myself slipping into these toxic patterns, I’m like a football coach reviewing a bad play. Why? Because it’s never too late to call an audible on your life.

Reprogramming your mindset isn’t a sprint; it’s a bloody marathon. Forget that “21 days to form a habit” rubbish. You’re breaking down barriers built over decades, mate. But here’s the kicker: you can do it. With relentless repetition and a sprinkling of grit, you’ll morph these habits and find the happiness you’ve been chasing.

Ready to get real with yourself? Have a butcher’s at these nine habits you should toss out like last week’s rubbish:

  1. Ditch the Need for Approval Why the hell should you care what others think? You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and trying to be will only dilute your own flavour.
  2. Stop Being the People-Pleaser Can you make everyone happy? Not a chance. But you know who you should make happy? Yourself. Keep it balanced, of course—don’t be an arse. But don’t compromise your own happiness just to win the “best supporting actor” in someone else’s life.
  3. Quit the Gossip Circle People who gossip with you will gossip about you. Simple as that. Rise above it, mate. You’ll feel lighter and more respected, and you know what? That’s not too shabby.
  4. Drop the Blame Game Blame your parents, blame the government, blame the weather. Done any good? Time to own your stuff and shift your energy to what you can actually change. You’re the captain of your own ship, after all.
  5. Let Go of Always Being Right Arguing to prove you’re right is a fool’s game. You’re not a missionary here to convert the masses. Learn to nod, smile, and move the hell on.
  6. Eliminate Tunnel Vision Thinking inside the box? Kick that box to the curb. Open up to fresh perspectives, new ideas, and a rainbow of possibilities. Who knows, you might even like it out there.
  7. Give Up Your Resistance to Change Change is the only constant. So why not embrace it? When plans go pear-shaped, adapt. The detours can be the most enlightening parts of your journey.
  8. Stop Dwelling in the Past Your past doesn’t define you; it refines you. Don’t use it as an excuse for your present circumstances. Grow from it, don’t wallow in it.
  9. Don’t Take It All Personally Your friend isn’t replying? They might just be having a rough day. Drop the self-centred lens and, if there’s an issue, sort it. If not, let it go and carry on.

You see, happiness is not this elusive bird that you need to catch. It’s more like the ground beneath your feet that you’ll feel the moment you drop the excess baggage. Shed these nine habits and you’re not just surviving; you’re bloody thriving.

Richard Rohr said, “The most courageous thing we will ever do is bear humbly the mystery of our own reality.” And let me tell you, part of that reality is recognizing what holds you back and having the guts to let it go.

So, what’s weighing you down, and are you ready to drop it for a shot at true happiness?

portrait photo of Steven Webb in a checked shirt and yellow top

About Steven Webb
Steven Webb is a Zen Buddhist meditation teacher, former Mayor of Truro, and host of the Stillness in the Storms and Inner Peace Meditations podcasts. Paralysed at 18 and reborn through a “dark night of the soul” at 40, he now guides millions worldwide (including one of Insight Timer’s most popular sleep practices) to find peace without perfection. By day, he’s a Truro City Councillor and Lib Dem candidate, advocating for dignity-first policies and community energy projects. Oh, and he once towed a replica helicopter 500 miles in his wheelchair to fundraise for Cornwall Air Ambulance.

“The breath knows how to breathe. Our job? Just allow it.”

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Weekly Calm is my weekly newsletter with links to my latest podcast episode, guided meditations and a little bit about me. Working on the weekly part, mostly couple times a month.