How to Harness Your 3 Core Values to Navigate Life’s Many Roles

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Steven Webb: Have you noticed how life's
just becoming more and more complicated?

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Some days I feel like I'm just
about keeping my head above water.

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Just some days I'm like,
can the world just stop?

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I need to get off for
just five minutes, please.

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That would be so nice.

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Wouldn't it just.

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Yeah, imagine having that superpower
that literally you could click your

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fingers and the whole world pauses,
and we couldn't use it all the

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time, but nobody else knows that.

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Pause.

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I knew someone might have this
superpower we wouldn't know, would we?

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I might be, you might all have
this superpower and I'm the

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only one that hasn't got it.

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But imagine the superpower where
literally you can click your

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fingers and the whole world stops.

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And you can just collect your thoughts.

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Now, you can only use it say once a
month for 20 minutes, but you could

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just, you get to that work or you get to
that point in the day when the kids are

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just on top of you, works on top of you.

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You just have the phone call.

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You've just got all these things
happening, and suddenly before you

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know it, you're just so overwhelmed.

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It's like, click.

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I've just got half an hour to
collect my thoughts and sit down.

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God, wouldn't that be
an amazing superpower?

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On today's podcast, I want to talk about
all the different roles we play and how

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complicated it has become in our lives,
and comparing that to a hundred years

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ago to now, and what we can do about it.

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I'm Steven Webb and this is Stillness in
The Storms, the podcast that gives you

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a little inner piece when you need it
most and probably have at least helping

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you to think a little bit different.

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And I wanna say thank you first
of all to people that have

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donated the coffee this week.

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And to Jack that's given me $30.

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I, he's just put up that it's
anonymous, but I'm okay saying Jack,

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there's a few jacks in the world,
so I'm sure I'm okay saying that.

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I'm wondering if I'm
gonna be in trouble now.

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Thank you Jack.

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Anyway I dunno anything more about
you than that, apart from you

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support it and you're awesome.

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Thank you.

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But also thank you to Virginia and Ashley
and Catherine and another anonymous.

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And Laurel, our new member on buy a
Coffee, you can join as a member, $6 a

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month or $60 for the year, and that'll
give you access to all of my meditations.

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A slight confession.

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I didn't realize they weren't available.

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So I've just realized this week that
I've gotta put them more available.

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And that's my work that
I'm doing this week.

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My back catalog of all my
meditations, plus all the inner

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peace meditations on the podcast.

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So yeah, I've got, we
got seven members now.

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How cool is that?

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So thank you to all the members
that regularly donate every month.

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And you, Nicole, just 47 minutes
ago donated a coffee, And everybody

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that leaves a like a review.

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The reviews make a huge,
huge difference as well.

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Oh, where can you go?

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Yeah, thankyousteven.com and then
you got a link to my main website.

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You can download the five symbol
practices for inner peace and you

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can donate a coffee if you want.

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Thank you guys.

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Anyway, let's get on with today's podcast.

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So we're going to unravel some
of the complexities of all the

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many roles we play in life.

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And I put together a list of roles because
boy, there's so many of them, and I don't

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think we realize how many different roles
we play in a day and what it requires from

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us and the attention it requires from us.

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And just switching between them
is just absolutely exhausting.

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But what do I mean by roles?

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If I give you a few examples of the
kind of roles we play on a daily basis,

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and there, there's so many of them.

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When I started listing, after a couple
of minutes, I got to like one or two, and

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then suddenly it just started flowing.

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How many different roles we play.

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So let's just look at family roles.

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You know, I'm a parent, so my
daughter phones, I'm a parent.

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Suddenly my mom phones, I'm a
son, you know, another family

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member or someone like that.

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Phones an uncle or someone like that.

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Phones, and I'm suddenly a nephew.

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But you might have a cousin, you
might have all, you might be a

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grandparent, or you might be a
granddaughter or something, you know,

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all these different roles require us
to be something slightly different.

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And then you have the social roles.

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You a friend, a mentor, you
know, a neighbor, you a community

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member, or you're a volunteer.

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All those roles are, are part of
social and then professional roles.

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You, you're an employee, you're
a colleague, you're a manager,

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a leader, you're a mentor,
you're a doctor, you're a nurse.

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You know, there's so
many different things.

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You're a bus driver.

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And then a phone call happens
and you suddenly, your son again,

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you, you know, you get the point.

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You got your civic roles.

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You, you are a voter, you're an activist,
you're a jury member, you're a student

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teacher, you know, a school board member.

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You're a trustee, you're a patient
caregiver, you're a partner, you're

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an ex-partner, you're a fiance,
a spouse, and the list goes on.

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Just reading through
the list is exhausting.

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So on a daily basis, just
think about it for a moment.

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How many roles have you already paid?

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Played today?

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Yeah, that simple phone
call, that simple to-do.

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List that simple.

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You may get the kids ready or you
may be off out today, or you may have

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had to make a couple of phone calls.

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You've gotta play all these different
roles and flip in between them.

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Showing up as your best self into all them
is absolutely so demanding, so complex.

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It's so, and we almost simultaneously
do it, and we don't bat anite it.

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But here's the difference.

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The more on your spiritual journey you
go, the more aware you become, the more

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conscious, the more you open up your
heart, the more you realize, the more

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you see what's going on around you.

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The more you want to show up as the
best version of yourself in that role.

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But how do we do it?

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You know, it's easy to say all the
roles and all the problems with it.

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I dunno about you, but,
you know, I, I struggle.

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I'm a city counselor.

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I was a mayor for two years.

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I haven't, I'm not mayor anymore,
three or four weeks ago now.

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And I'm loving the fact that
I'm not in that role anymore.

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But I love the fact I was in that role.

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But as a mayor, I was the civic mayor.

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I was the council mayor.

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I was the council chair.

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I was a colleague and friend.

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Like I said, I'm a dad, I'm a son.

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My mum phoned up early on,
he's got no broadband, so I've

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been trying to sort it out.

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Thank you, Skye, for trying to sort it
out on Twitter, but I've gotta go up

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there shortly after I finish this podcast.

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You know, we play all these
different roles and to be quite

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honest, who are you in it?

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Is it, you know, do you often feel
that your sense of identity is lost?

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Who are you where?

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How do you show up?

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How do you keep a sense of who you
are in all of these different roles?

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You know, where's Stevie
in all these roles?

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You know, Stevie's, that seven
year old, where's Steven?

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That adult.

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I didn't change my name, I
just, I felt Stevie as an adult.

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I felt like I needed to mature.

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Plus, Stevie Webb was already
taken.com, so stephen webb.com

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wasn't so I could use that.

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So how we, how we mold into the world
rather than get the world more to us.

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It's really funny.

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Yeah.

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So that's my main
website, stephen web.com.

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Set a v.

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Yeah, well, how many people
change their name by depot just

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because they found a domain name.

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Anyway, I'm going off topic now, but
isn't it funny, Al we do play all these

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different roles and when we become more
aware of it and the spiritual journey

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to me, let me define that cause I've
just mentioned it to me, the spiritual

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journey is, is your heart opening?

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Are you able to tolerate more?

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Are you being more compassionate?

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Are you understanding
and being more loving?

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And ultimately, are you suffering less?

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That's the spiritual journey.

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It's not about contacting aliens.

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It's not about being able to go on your
magic carpet and go, um, all day long.

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It's not about sitting in the
bathroom, quietly on the floor,

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meditating in the morning.

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It's about can you show up in a
negative environment and raise the

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energy, raise the vibration, and just
bring your best version of yourself.

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That's what the true
spiritual journey is about.

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I'll tell you who defined
it best, was Mother Teresa.

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When she said to a small audience
of about three, she looked up

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and said, do you know what?

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It's all well and good.

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You are being home and peaceful.

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When you're here with me.

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You gotta go home and be calm and
peaceful in front of your family.

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That's where the work is.

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It's easier to do it in a monastery or.

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On retreat.

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What do you do when you go home?

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That's where the work is.

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That's where you've gotta remain calm.

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It's not about eliminating all
negative people and get rid

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of all people you don't like.

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You're gonna go into town,
you're gonna encounter the person

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that's having a difficult day.

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The spiritual journey is how do I
show up as a friend or a part of

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the community, or just a visitor to
a town with the open heart and the

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compassion and the understanding.

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How do we do that?

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And one thing that I try to
work on is our core values.

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And if you pick three core values and show
up as those core values, no matter what.

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So before you shake someone's hand,
just say those core values in your head.

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When you walk through a door into an event
or when you walk through a door into the

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day nursery or into your work, or when
you're visiting a barbecue friends or

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whatever, just before you go in there
like, okay, I am this, this, and this.

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What does that look like?

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And feel it throughout your whole body,
and then you can bring those core values

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to all the different roles in life.

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And you are showing up as yourself rather
than having those roles define you.

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Does that make sense?

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I should have.

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My phone keeps going off, so I apologize,
but I'm on a roll so I don't wanna stop.

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So my mom's probably
gonna phone in a minute.

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Stevie the broadband's still not on.

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Okay, I'm coming up there soon.

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Anyway, right.

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I, I digress.

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But we play these different roles
in our head switching and all that.

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So how do we show up?

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Well, first of all, I'd written down
a list of core principles, and again,

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with them, I didn't realize how many
there were, and you are probably

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all of these at different times, but
which ones really resonate with you?

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So I got to a list of 20 and
I'll list them in the show notes.

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And authenticity.

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Compassion, respect, integrity,
love, responsibility, empathy,

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courage, humility, gratitude,
patience, generosity, perseverance.

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Self-discipline, optimism, fairness,
kindness, growth, balance, and peace.

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Then if you think about that,
so if you have a room full of.

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Nine people and each of those nine
brought three of those things to the room.

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How awesome would that be?

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So respect, valuing others, treating
them with dignity and fairness,

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acknowledging their rights, values, and
beliefs, self-discipline, exercising

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control over one's actions and impulses.

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Maintaining focus on long-term goals.

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Growth, pursuing self-improvement,
seeking personal and professional

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development, learning from experiences.

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So what do all these look like in a group
setting and showing up compassion, showing

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understanding and kindness to others.

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Experiencing a genuine
desire to help those in need.

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So if we just pick three main ones,
three things that resonate with us,

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then we just remember them in our head.

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We go sleep, and we think about
those three things and what it's

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like to show up at that person.

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What does that look like?

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What's it look like to be a kind
optimist and a generous friend?

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What does it look like to be a.

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Have, be a dad with
integrity, love, and balance.

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So all of these things have
such good qualities that I, I, I

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just think it's a simple way of
simplifying our complicated lives.

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A hundred years ago, you spent eight hours
on the field or just doing one thing.

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You come home and you might read a
book or you have something to eat

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and you would sit down with family.

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You didn't have the internet, you
didn't have all the tv, you didn't

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have all these complicated things.

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We barely had electricity in most areas.

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Go back 200 years ago, you probably only
had two or three roles in your life.

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Whereas now literally we have.

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10, 20, 30 rolls on a daily
basis sometimes, and it is

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really, really difficult.

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I really struggle with it on a daily
basis, and I think what you can do.

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Maybe I'll do a couple of meditations
and all that to help you find which

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one of these really resonate with you.

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But the problem is we cannot go through
every single one of them because

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they'll all kind of resonate with you.

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And I hope they all do because
they're all brilliant core values.

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I, I'd be quite guided if one
of those core values weren't

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present at all in my life.

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There's not one of them that I could
read through that I would like to

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chop out, but there's a lot there
that I could work on, I could improve.

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And there's a few there that
just really resonate with me.

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You know, compassion
authenticity and kindness.

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Those three really resonate with me.

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And patience.

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You know, maybe when I'm coaching or
when I'm helping someone that finds

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meditation difficult to get over at some
difficult times, I can just sit down and

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I can show up as kind and patient and
compassionate when that, that be amazing.

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Imagine if everybody, imagine if we
had like a t-shirt on and we were

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showing up as those three words.

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And you could have on the t-shirt,
these are my three words, my

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core values, pointing them out.

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If I'm not living by them,
how awesome would that be?

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How much would people change?

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I don't think people would change at all.

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I just think we would embrace our true
selves because I essentially, I think

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everybody, these core values are.

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Innate to everybody.

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I, I don't think people don't have them.

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I think people end up stuck in roles
that they may be delusional or that

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they may make mistakes or their actions
are not matching their core values.

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And then it's difficult to get out of.

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You know, we get stuck
in these loops that are.

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You know, difficult.

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But anyway, I'll list some of
the roles and I'll list the core

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values in the show notes for you.

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Just on a reflective question, if
you had three core values and you

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literally lived up to them every
day, how much would that change?

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What?

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How much would it change
each role you play?

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You know, I said compassion because
that really resonates with me.

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What does a compassionate son look like?

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Well, it's one that takes a bit of time.

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The one that tries to help.

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What, what is a compassionate
friend or a compassionate mayor or a

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compassionate chair for a council meeting?

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It's one that gives everyone a chance.

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It's the one that's fair.

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It's one that understands.

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Some people in the room
may find it difficult.

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So, you know, these are not difficult,
but it's just difficult to remember

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that they're there all the time.

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So we have to come from
that point of creation.

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And when I say point of creation,
I don't mean 15.7 billion years

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ago or the day you were born.

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I mean the creation of every single moment
right now, this moment has been created

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or happening, it's just happening to us.

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I wouldn't say created is
probably the wrong word.

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But I'm sure you know what I mean.

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Every moment is arising.

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That's probably a better way of doing it.

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Ah, God.

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It's quite warm in the UK at the moment.

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I'm seeing here.

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I can hear the birds.

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I'm getting into my afternoon nap.

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You can tell my, my voice has slowed down.

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It's like, right, okay.

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My afternoon nap.

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And do I fight it here for the
next three hours or do I just

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go another sleep for 20 minutes?

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I think I'll go another
sleep for 20 minutes.

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But look guys, thank you so much for
leaving reviews sharing the podcast.

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Think about what three words go
through the list in the show notes.

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Think about what three words that.

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Really resonate with you.

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Say the words, feel 'em deeply, see
whether they resonate with you, and then

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every time you encounter someone or every
time you have a different role to play,

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really take notice of what would this role
look like from those perspective of those

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three words, those three core values,
I think it, it, it's a game changer.

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It really is a game changer.

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Because we can only ever change ourselves.

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We can only ever, we can only ever be in
control of what we bring to the table.

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We're not in control of what
other people bring to the table.

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Hence why every barbecue,
someone brings up some food and

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you go, why did you bring that?

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It's the same as our actions, you know?

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Take care guys, and thank you and.

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If you can, um, support the podcast
or you want to download the five

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00:19:33,584 --> 00:19:38,554
symbol practice for enter Paste,
head over to thankyousteven.com.

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00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:40,754
Otherwise, leave a review.

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00:19:40,754 --> 00:19:41,804
That'd be amazing.

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00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:46,784
Otherwise, I love you and take
care and have a wonderful week.