Who Are You When No One Needs Anything?

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Episode Description

For years, you’ve been the go to person. The mother, the partner, the colleague, the carer. Your whole identity is wrapped up in what you do for others. But what happens when the kids leave, or the career changes, or you just stop long enough to ask… who am I underneath all of that?

In this episode, Steven shares a personal story from his time as Mayor of Truro, where former mayors warned him about the strange emptiness that comes when a defining role ends. He explores why losing a role can feel like grief, why that “who am I now?” question is not a sign of ingratitude but an invitation to go deeper, and how you can start the quiet, beautiful process of meeting yourself again.

If you’ve ever felt lost in the space between who you were and who you’re becoming, this one is for you.

In This Episode

Steven talks about the identity we build from doing things for others and what happens when those roles shift or fade. He explores why this transition hurts so much and why grief and gratitude can exist side by side. He shares wisdom on sitting in the uncomfortable “in between” space rather than rushing to fill it. And he offers a simple five minute practice you can try today to begin reconnecting with who you really are beneath the roles.

Key Themes

Identity and midlife transitions. The grief of losing a role. Empty nest and changing family dynamics. Finding stillness in the not knowing. Meeting yourself again after decades of caring for others.

Memorable Moment

“You are not your roles. You never were. The mother, the carer, the professional, the person everyone depends on: those are things you do, and you do them beautifully. But they are not who you are. Who you are is the one who remains when all of that falls away. And she is still there. She’s been waiting for you.”

Try This Today

Find five minutes of quiet. Sit with a cup of tea, go for a short walk, or sit somewhere peaceful. Ask yourself: “What would I do today if nobody needed anything from me?” Don’t judge the answer. Just notice what comes up. That’s a thread. Keep pulling gently on it and it will lead you back to yourself.

Support This Podcast

Stillness in the Storms is completely free with no adverts and no sponsors. It exists because of the kind people who treat Steven to a coffee. Every contribution helps pay for the podcast and supports all of Steven’s work.

A huge thank you to this episode’s supporters: Tiffany, Fran, Kay, Caroline, Ruth, Mazdak, Cara, Suja, and several generous anonymous donors, along with supporters on Insight Timer.

If this episode helped you, please consider buying Steven a coffee. Even one makes a difference.

About Steven Webb

Steven Webb is a meditation teacher, former Mayor of Truro, and C5 tetraplegic. He has spent decades learning what it means to find peace in the most difficult circumstances. Through Stillness in the Storms, he offers honest, warm conversations to help people navigate life’s hardest moments.

Find out more and explore all of Steven’s work at stevenwebb.uk

Connect

Website: https://stevenwebb.uk

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