EP22 – How To Face Your Fear And Enjoy Inner Peace

Transcribe of Podcast

Topic: EP22 – How To Face Your Fear And Enjoy Inner Peace
Host: Steven Webb

I’m frightened and I’ve said that several times on my lives and in Paste in the last few days on Twitter, on Facebook, and I’ve gotten messages and I’ve not come under fire, but I’ve had people come to me, “There’s no need to be frightened, get rid of fright. That’s a negative emotion.” Well, I’m just being honest and isn’t that what we should be? We’re taught to be honest.

As children, we’re taught not to feel these emotions and I believe the spiritual journey is about feeling these emotions, understanding them and having appropriate action because of them. And yet, when I look up in a situation like this that the world has not seen and a whole generation, nobody alive today has ever seen anything like this. And I look up and say, I’m frightened. I have fear inside of me. I also have optimism. I also have positivity. I also have feelings of hope and love and community spirit, compassion.

I’m not just frightened and I think to deny the fear now would just not be real. And if you want me to talk about some of my other feelings since leaving the hospital, breaking my neck, I’ve had this overwhelming feeling to go for a run. I’m in an electric wheelchair, I cannot even stand, let alone, take one single step. And for many years, if you asked me what I would do if I had one hour of being able-bodied and if I was with a girlfriend at the time when they asked me, I would probably say I’d like to be intimate with you. I might say, I’ll go for a walk in a park. I might shower myself or go and sit on the boat for an hour.

But you know what the honest answer would be? I would go for a run and I would go for a run so far and I would just keep running, keep running; very similar to the Forest Gump movie and I get that part of the movie. I totally get it where he’s had these leg braces on, nerdy all his life and just one day he says, “Enough is enough.” And he went for a run and he just kept running and then people joined him and then things happen. And that very famous bit where he steps on some dog mess and someone says, “Have you got anything to say?”
And he goes, “Oh, shit happens.”
And the guy went on and become very famous with that bumper sticker saying, “Shit happens.”

I’m sure that’s not the real story but I love the story and he kept running and running and people would say, “Why are you running?”
“I just am.”
“Where are you going?”
“Nowhere.”
“Why don’t you stop and turn around?”
“Because I don’t want to.”

And that’s how I feel. I just wanted to go for a run and I’ve felt like that for 20 years. I’ve been cooped up in houses, I get it why people want to get out. I get it why they have fear and we have all these feelings of anxiety. All these things are going to start bottling up and balling up and unless we acknowledge them, we are going to explode. And we need to acknowledge that our children are frightened, our parents, grandparents are frightened.

Fear is a wonderful motivator and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s what we do with it. That’s why I keep saying, just like anger, you know, I could give you a hammer when you’re angry, you could build something or you could hurt someone. Is the action that’s good or bad; is the action that is productive or nonproductive. So we need to stop denying fear. We need to stop denying anger, denying all of these wonderful human feelings of shame and guilt and anxiety. When we see them as information, when we see them as something, something’s telling us, “Why do I want to run? Why do I want to just keep running?”
Do you know why? Because I want to feel exhausted. I want to run until literally my legs and my body will not take me another millimeter. I want to feel that extreme. I literally want to be exhausted and collapse on the road.

And this spiritual journey is about this. At the moment, we almost have to feel the extreme. Why do we get on a roller coaster? Because we want that controlled fear. We want to go to the edge, but no, we’re safe. I want to run until I collapse and I know I’m safe and I know I’ll be okay, but I want to feel that extreme. And this is the problem. The more we deny these feelings, the more we push them away, and I really come under some, it’s not an attack, but it’s really is that I should be more positive. I’m a spiritual teacher of some kind and I should be more of a warrior. A warrior is always positive, has no fear. I think that’s untrue.

I think a warrior has fear, but they turn that fear into power, into the muscle and the courage to be able to go that step further. Taking control of your emotions is not about denying them, it’s about feeling them deeply and living with them. In some respects, we’re going through this wonderful, amazing, exciting time. Yes, I even have excitement about this time. It’s excitement because I put on a webcam and New York Times Square is empty and that stimulates something in me to go, wow, look at this. You know, all these feelings are some kind of chemical in your body, stimulating something. And unless we understand them, listen to them, and we build that muscle around them to use them in a wise way, then what good are they? Why did they evolve? Why are they here? What’s the point?

Shame, guilt, courage, fear, enlightenment, pleasantness, pleasure; all of these feelings serve a purpose. What about love? We don’t choose to push that away. “Oh, I like that one. I’ll keep that one. Thank you.” Well, how would you know love if you didn’t know fear? How would you know safety and that feeling of comfort and everything is okay? Because that’s what love is. Love is knowing. Everything is okay. How do you love a baby? You keep them safe. You treat them, you feed them, just make them comfortable. You’re there for them. You give them space to be a baby. How do you love your partner? You give them space to be who they are. Well, if they’re frightened, allow them to be frightened and if you’re slightly frightened and sit down with them and say, “It’s okay. I’m frightened too.”

When you share fear, it’s not sharing it in a way that you’re doubling it and you make it more fear. The fear is there anyway, you just reduce it. When you sit down with someone and you put your arm around them, perhaps not in this social distancing, but when it’s all over, when you can sit down with them or on the internet or via video, just look at them and go, “Do you know what? I’m frightened too.”

And that’s what I want this podcast to be today; I’m frightened. I’m also slightly stimulated and excited by this because there’s something crazy in you. I’m also heart opened about it. Collectively, consciously, it’s going to lift us in ways that we don’t know how. There’s going to be less to spend on defense, I’m hopeful of that and more spent on human life. But to deny an emotion that is there to protect us, help us, and to nurture love within us. True love and fear cannot hold the same space, but I don’t think they’re that different. The only difference is love, where here, in the moment.

When I love someone, I feel it here now. When I fear, although I feel it now, we’re very often not here now. we’re fearing something that’s going to happen next week, the week after or down the road. That’s the only difference. If we love someone and then we suddenly feel fear, that’s because we fear losing that love down the road and that’s the only real difference. Now, of course, one feels fluffy and one feels a little sharp. One we believe always leads to pain. Well, I’m not sure which one that is; we probably think both lead to pain knowing us humans. But yeah, love doesn’t lead to pain. Fear of love leads to pain and yes, fear does give pain, but to deny it, it gives more suffering.

So in a world of uncertainty, in a world that everything is changing and I’m telling you from the very top to the very bottom, one-day old babies can feel this just the same as the leaders right at the top. None of them were expecting this and I don’t think any of them, if they were honest, I don’t think any of you, if you’re honest, hasn’t taken a deep breath and felt some fear. And I’ve always said my podcasts are going to be honest. That’s what they are. I’ll tell you the way it is, the way I see it. I don’t know if I’m right. Try it out for yourself. Sit down now and feel what you’re really feeling. Have no fear of someone saying you’re right or wrong or get rid of that or do this or increase that feeling. Let them do that. Leave that to them.

You know, I feared so many things in my life when I was lying in bed, I used to fear how was I going to live life being paralyzed? Was I ever going to get a girlfriend? Was I ever going to settle down? Was I ever going to be a man? Was I ever going to be able to earn a living? Was I ever going to be able to enjoy myself actually again? All those things I feared when I was laying in bed. All of them became unfounded. They weren’t real, but the fear of that freedom was real at the time. And when you learn that the fear very often doesn’t lead to suffering, it’s because we build that muscle. So that person that fears climbing the mountain and claims it anyway, when he gets to the top of the mountain looks the other side and there’s another mountain, he doesn’t fear the next one, but he might fear something new but he has the courage.

How can you have courage without fear? Please tell me. If you’re listening to this on Anchor, please record a message. Tell me, can you have fear without courage? This is what it means to live a deeper life is to be honest about what we’re feeling. And when we’re honest about our feelings, it leads to a deeper feeling, but it leads to a lot less suffering. Am I suffering here with my pain? No. Because I know it comes and goes and I know that pain is a message saying, “Hey, heads up. Something might be going on.” But to deny it would lead to suffering because it’s going to keep knocking on the door.

Have you ever noticed these positive do-gooders that are like all positive about everything? Do you ever notice how long they actually stay positive? About every few weeks, they lock themselves in their homes and say, “Don’t come near me. I’m really having a hard time.” And then they’re coming out all positive and happy again. That’s because every few weeks the other emotions eventually drown them and they have to wade their way through. Well if we deal with it when it’s just like a little paddling bear, if we acknowledge it, things will be a lot easier for us.

Thank you for listening. If you can, leave a review. If you can, share this podcast. If you can, head over to my website. All my meditations are now free and I’m live every single day, 2:00 PM UK time, on my Facebook page, just look up Peace Mentor or Steven Webb on Facebook. Look forward to seeing you all there. Thank you. Take care. Wash your hands. Stay safe. Stay in. Take care, guys. I love you and thank you for listening.

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