Hey, welcome to Living Deeper Lives, the podcast that helps you to live a more deeper life, a more meaningful life, a life of freedom and purpose. I’m your host, Steven Webb and there’s a new podcast every Monday that will help you with the pointers towards more freedom. This week, I’m talking about core values, the underlying fundamental values of who you are beyond your roles of what you do in life and beyond your opinions and belief.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my daughter in the kitchen one day. She was going through a particularly hard time and like she is at the moment. We were talking about the tree of life and how we formed the ego and how we form who we are. I said the trunk of the tree is the roles we play — maybe mum, dad, daughter or doctor, fireman, nurse, builder, dustbin man, whatever — that’s the trunk of the tree. Then you’ve got the early part of the branches as your beliefs, you know, they could be a religion or your politics. Then you’ve got the outer branches and the leaves, thus all your opinions and your likes and your dislikes. Then we’re talking about core values, the underlying values below that. We were talking about what they might be and do we actually use them.
If you talk to anybody and you say like, “Well, what are your core values?” They’ll say, “Well, I’ve got integrity, I’ve got caring, I’m understanding.” Then if you really ask them, “Do you really bring those core values to every role you have in life?” We thought about it and we really don’t. We don’t develop these core values and these fundamental values enough in my opinion. We know they’re there, we want them, we want … we expect other people to have them. We get really offended and we take it personally if somebody else doesn’t live up to the core values we think they should have. You know, if they lie to us and they break the core value of honesty, it really does trigger us. But when we turn it around to ourselves, how much do we live up to our core values?
It’s made me think of the last few weeks, couple of weeks since that conversation, what are my core values? I’d like to think that I’m carrying, I’m understanding. I’d like to think I’ve got integrity. But then I thought, yes, I may have those, but how much of it do I really bring to every aspect of life? I’m a city councillor. When I sit on a council meeting, do I bring those core values to that meeting? Do I bring them to … when I say something, do I … I’m also, I have carers. When I’m with my carers, do I bring those core values to that? What about when my daughter’s here or when I’m at my parents? When I’m listening to my mum and very often it’s very difficult when we’re with family, especially our parents.
I always go back to what Mother Theresa says. I think it’s Jack Kornfield who says this as well, “If you think you’re enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.” But when I go up and spend like a few hours with my mum, am I really showing up as love and understanding?
So I want you to dive deeper and I want you to consider what your fundamental values and which ones of those that you will not budge from. I think if we develop these, the tree becomes rooted into the ground. You could say that the roots of the tree, these fundamental values, and we don’t worry about our losing our branches or we don’t worry about anybody disagreeing with our beliefs or moving from role to role as long as we’ve got the core values intact. They’re the fundamental building blocks that everything are built on.
The weather can take away the tree and the storms could almost knock it over but if the roots are intact, you don’t have to worry about it. You don’t have to worry about life so much. You don’t have to worry about someone riling you up the wrong way because we’re going to show up as these values anyway.
Also, what values do we need to develop a little more? If you think about going back to when you’re first born, do you have these true values? Oh no. We learned to have empathy. We develop empathy as we grow. We develop caring as we grow. A baby doesn’t care. A baby doesn’t have empathy. It’s not lying there thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my mum is tired. Perhaps I’ll just lie and be quiet and let my mum have a bit more sleep.” They don’t have that ability when they’re born. They’ve got that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. If they don’t get those core needs met, they’re going to cry. They’re not going to care who they upset or they’re not going to care whether they bring understanding along with that crying.
But as we get older, there’s no excuse, really. When you move beyond your teens and your adulthood, have your own children, there really is no excuse for not looking at these core values and developing them. Looking at what is important to you, how you would like other people to show up in your life. Integrity and honesty is like absolute the utmost importance to you. Are you living from that place as well? Do you bring that true values to every conversation you have? Do you bring them to every reply and post Facebook? Do you bring them to the job you do? Do you bring them to every conversation you have with your family, when a friend phones you? I doubt we do. Just be honest, I don’t. I’ve got to somehow always come back and pinch myself and go, “You know what, you really weren’t that caring. You say you’re caring and loving, Stevie, but you really weren’t in that instance.”
I remember Kember coming back here one day and she said something to me and I just went off on it. I just went off on this rampage of … I don’t really shout but I can kind of go on a little bit and I did that to her and she stood there and she took her and I kept going on and on and on. Then I finished and I said, “I’m done now and I’m finished.” She stood there and she looked up and said, “Well, that wasn’t very Zen of you, was it?” It’s funny because I was trying to develop my Zen side. This is about three, four years ago now. I was becoming more peaceful, you know. I’m very Zen now and very stoic, but in that mument I did not bring that to that conversation. This is what I’m talking about.
So I want you to consider yourself what are your … what is important for other people to show up in your life as? There’s so many core values. Let me know in the comments below or let me know on my Facebook page what core values are important to you and are you working on yours? Do you really bring them to every aspect of your life?
Say if one of your core values is to be loving. Now that might be you’re a doctor or a binman or a gardener or a president. It really doesn’t matter what your job is in life in that time. Are you bringing that loving core value to that job? The same as if a belief. If you’re in a debate or having a conversation or you’re in church on Sunday, are you bringing the core value that you say you are to that belief in that day and that mument? I think if we were perfectly honest, we could do better. You know, C minus, could do better. As we work on it more and as we, every time we shake someone’s hands or give them a hug, if we think about these core values, we can live from them more. I think it benefits us because it will come back around on us.
Then also identifying the ones where we demand from others but we don’t show up as ourselves, if we’re really honest about it. One of mine is integrity. I like to think I’ve got lots of integrity. But what is integrity? Integrity is you promise something [inaudible 00:09:00] you deliver or not. That’s one of the values of integrity, I believe. I promise a lot and sometimes quite often. Okay, nearly all the time, I can feel my inner dialogue going as I’m saying this, I let people down. It’s not because I don’t mean to deliver, it’s because I overestimate what I’m able to do because I’m paralyzed and my fingers are paralyzed. Just editing a podcast takes me three or four times longer than it would somebody else. I tend to forget, though I’ve been in a wheelchair now, I’ve been paralyzed since I was 18, my mind forgets at times and I still think I can do what an able-bodied person does and I forget things take longer. So I tend to promise things and I don’t deliver very often.
But integrity is taking that into account and going, well look, if I’m going to live with integrity, I’m only going to promise what I’m going to deliver. That goes as being parent, as … you know, I’m a dad, that goes in that role of being a dad or in the role of the teacher in the Inner Peace Academy that I run. If anybody’s interested, go to stevenweb.com, spelt with a V, not a P-H, and you can have a look about the Academy there, where you can join, where I help people have a lot more in life.
But yeah, that’s what I want you to think about this week is what core values do you have? What ones are you really good at remembering and which ones do you need to work on more? They will create a stability in your life and there’s a freedom to knowing that your core values are not going to be compromised, that they can chop your branches off, they can interfere with your tree, they can do all the other things, but they’re not going to rock your roots and your foundation of who you are. So work out your core values. Work out your underlying roots of your internal tree.
I’m Steven Webb and I help you to go from “Erh!” to “Ahhh…” I think that’s the best way of explaining it. I can give you a little inner peace, a little calmness about your life. If I helped you, head over to my page and buy me a coffee, would be absolutely awesome and thank you. That supports the work I do. There, you can sign up to a monthly, like $3 a month, and that will help me to get things I just said and help me to speed things up and help me to deliver on that, I guess how is my integrity as well. So yeah, head to my page and you can click the link, buy me a coffee, support the work I do. Or you can head to the website, supportsteven.com.
Thank you, really appreciate your time. Time is the most precious thing we have and spending the last 10, 12 minutes with me is really, I really appreciate it. Take care and have a good week. I’ll be back next Monday for a new episode of Living Deeper Lives podcast. Thank you.