Saturday afternoon, Tina was taking a reluctant Jake, 10, the eldest and the excited twins Sophie and Sienna aged 6 to the cinema.
“Did you enjoy the movie?” Tina asked while leaving.
“Not really, boring.” Jake mutters with hands in his pockets, head down, scuffing his feet in any dirt he could find.
“How can you say that, it was amazing? It cost me money. You need to sort your attitude out.” replies Tina, then turns to the twins “You enjoyed it, didn’t you? Next time Jake can go to grandmas, you know how much he hates that.”
Leaving an annoyed Tina and a disgruntled Jake for the moment.
Let’s look at perspectives.
No two people ever have the same perspective, even sitting next to each other in a cinema, we are seeing and feeling subtle differences. Whether it’s the angle of the screen, our position to the speakers or what we are attuned to in the movie based on our life experiences and filters. I’m a sensitive geek, so a part that is particularly sad or some technology might catch my attention, someone else might notice the decor on walls, fast cars, good looking male role or the type of gun used in a murder. Then there’s our state of mind, eyesight and hearing differences. Most have heard the quote “No two persons ever read the same book.” Edmund Wilson, well no two people ever experience the same thing.
We are all unique, there’s no one else on earth that would have the same perspective of life as you do. Think about it, even reading this you might be in a rush to skip parts, tired, forced to read it by an egotistical partner that thinks you should. Disclaimer: that bit may not be true before you turn with eyes ready to kill.
Yet, we spend our days trying to make others think the way we do. We get confused when someone doesn’t enjoy something in the way we do. ‘Are you mad, those king prawns taste awesome, you’re weird’. ‘I think she should leave him’. ‘What does he know’. ‘They haven’t got a clue’. We’ve all said similar things one time or another.
We become critical or even worse annoyed at others for seeing things in a different way than us. Our ego is dented, yes we all have one get over it.
Perspective is everything. If you can learn to drop your opinion and fully take their perspective by listening and feeling what they are saying while, realising their opinion is important you will not only learn something but you will become less annoyed, your ego will chill out.
A person’s opinion is not fact nor truth, it’s just the way they see it. It’s their perspective based on their state of mind, years of experience, thoughts, feelings and filtered information.
Jake had no intention of enjoying the movie, he was dragged away from his friends playing football on the estate.
Everyone is just doing their best, what they believe is the right thing, at the time based on their own unique perspective. It’s theirs, you do not own it or have any right to disagree with it. But, you should try and understand it from their perspective.
Listen to them, then maybe in return they will listen to your opinion.
You may argue Jake got punished for being disrespectful, perhaps a little empathy for his position and to a 10-year-old, football might be everything. It is his perspective. Let’s face it, the movie could still have been boring even if he had nothing better to do.
Perspectives, opinions, my truths and their truths are all subjective we need to stop arguing about them. It is not about you or your ego, it is about respect and understanding.