Steven Webb
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Podcast episodes

Overwhelmed by the News: Caring Without Drowning

How do you care about what’s happening in the world without it dragging you under? Practice first, news second. Then do one small thing and put it down.

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The night I broke my neck, I only had to get through the next breath. My family were stood in the corridor with nothing to do, not knowing if I’d see the morning. That’s the harder seat, and now we’re all sat in it, every day, on a phone. Our hearts were built for a village, not 24 hour news. After the Boston bombing, people who watched six hours of coverage a day were more stressed than some of the people who were actually there. I’m a terrible news junkie myself, so I talk about the feed I keep deleting and putting back, Sid Owen from EastEnders, and why the brain can’t tell the telly from a war zone. Underneath the anger there’s usually a deep caring. The way through isn’t caring less.

One thing to try: Before you scroll in the morning, sit quietly for ten minutes and write a small gratitude list. Then read the news, let yourself feel it, do the one small thing if there is one, and put it down.

In this episode

  • (0:03) The night I broke my neck, and my family in the corridor
  • (1:31) Our hearts were built for a village
  • (2:07) The Boston bombing study: six hours of news a day
  • (4:50) The brain can’t tell the telly from a war zone
  • (6:14) Caring without drowning: what you can do at arm’s length
  • (7:32) Under the anger there’s a deep caring
  • (9:51) Rabbi Tarfon: you can’t finish the work, but you can’t walk away
  • (10:55) Thomas Merton and the frenzy of the activist

With gratitude to

Tamsyne, Bridie, Orsolya, Paul, Ciaran, Cynthia, Sarpa, Jens, Linda and Genevieve

The companion meditation: When the News Is Too Much: A Meditation to Care and Still Rest

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb’s podcast and how you can support his work.

When the News Is Too Much: A Meditation to Care and Still Rest

When the news lands heavy and there’s nothing you can do. Breathe in what’s hard, breathe out a wish for them to be safe.

About 12 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath.

We breathe in what’s hard and breathe out a wish for people to be safe. It’s a gentle form of Tonglen. First we notice where a headline landed in the body, then we breathe a little of that out for you too. Then we widen it. Somewhere someone is making a neighbour a cup of tea, and a nurse is starting her night shift. The fire gets the pictures, but the people carrying the water are out there too, millions of them. We end with three wishes, and the reminder that you can care and still rest.

Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for sitting with me.

Steven

Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)

We're All Terrible Meditators: The Art of Doing Nothing on Purpose

Are you bad at meditating? So is everyone. The mind wanders because that is its job. Meditation is not quieting it, it is noticing you have gone and coming back.

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When I started, I thought meditation was sit down, be quiet, no thoughts, pure bliss. It lasted about 30 seconds. Then a teacher gave me the only instruction that ever worked: just sit and do nothing. His version had four letters. Your body knows how to breathe and your mind knows how to go quiet. The job is getting out of their way. Think of a snow globe. To settle the snow you do nothing, you just watch, and life will shake it up again anyway. Every time the mind wanders it is a happy accident, as Bob Ross would say. Smile, say thank you mind, and come back.

One thing to try: Get somewhere five minutes early and just sit in the car. Each time you catch the mind off in a story, smile, say thank you mind, and come back to what you can hear and feel. Five minutes, twice a day.

In this episode

  • (0:03) Winnie the Pooh, and why meditation is doing nothing on purpose
  • (1:19) The only instruction that ever worked: just sit and do nothing (his had four letters)
  • (2:22) The snow globe. To settle the snow, you do nothing
  • (3:45) You’re being thought. What’s your next thought going to be?
  • (4:23) We’re all terrible meditators, and why that is fine
  • (5:47) Bob Ross and the happy accident
  • (9:24) 178 podcasts and I’ve yet to find the one little thing that fixes everything
  • (13:15) Calvin and Hobbes, do a bit more nothing, and five minutes in the car

With gratitude to

Jess, David, Angi, Jeroen, Jose and Jill, Helen, Tracey, Carol, Hayden, Sarafena, Cheryl and Strength from Within Yoga, and new monthly supporter Rowan

The companion meditation: Nothing to Get Right: A Peace Meditation With Little Instruction

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb’s podcast and how you can support his work.

Nothing to Get Right: A Peace Meditation With Little Instruction

Tired of being told how to breathe? This one barely says a word. Nothing to get right, nothing to get wrong.

About 10 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath. Mostly quiet.

No one tells you where to put your hands. We just sit together and do very little. Your mind will wander off, to the shopping or what’s for tea, and that is fine. That is what minds do. We notice we’ve been away and come back to this moment. That isn’t failing at meditation. That is the practice. Near the end, a minute of just listening, doing nothing with what you hear. Meditation doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be done just by becoming aware.

Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for sitting with me.

Steven

Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)

Gates Not Walls: A Meditation for Healthy Boundaries

Built a wall to keep the world out, and now it feels like a prison? A meditation for boundaries with a gate.

About 11 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath.

Imagine a wall around you, all the way round, to keep out everything that stings. At first it feels wonderful. Then the strange thing: inside the wall our own strength goes soft, like a leg in plaster. And one day we need people again, and the world never reads our rules. So we try a garden with a gate instead, and tend what grows inside it. A little wisdom, a little strength, a little kindness. Then three gentle wishes with a hand on your heart. May I be safe with my gate open. May I be loved just as I am. May I be strong enough to let the world in. A boundary was never meant to be a prison. It is a garden edge, and you hold the key.

The companion talk episode: Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?

Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for sitting with me.

Steven

Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)

Calm Inside the Not Knowing: A Meditation for Uncertainty

Waiting to hear back, and the mind keeps playing out how it might go? A meditation for the fear of not knowing what comes next.

About 11 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath.

The mind hates a gap, so it fills it. One version, then another, then another. Not because it is broken, because it cares. But you can’t steady the tide by grabbing hold of it. So we sit on a quiet beach and let the days come and go like the weather. A worry arrives like a wave. You don’t judge it and you don’t grab a surfboard. You watch it go back out. Then one quiet question: who is doing the watching? The thoughts come and go, and the watcher stays. It has seen every day of your life arrive and pass. Three wishes to finish: may I trust myself with whatever comes, may the not knowing within find a little calm, may I know I am held, even here in uncertainty.

Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for sitting with me.

Steven

Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)

What Will I Miss? My Story for World Suicide Prevention Day

What would you miss? This episode is about suicide, my granddad’s and my own, and the one question that kept me here. If you need help right now, the numbers are just below.

If you need help right now

  • UK and Ireland: Samaritans, call 116 123. Free, any hour, any day.
  • UK only, if you cannot talk: text SHOUT to 85258. Free, 24 hours.
  • US: call or text 988.
  • Australia: Lifeline, 13 11 14.

I was 12 when my granddad went missing from the farm. The next morning Andy woke me and said they had found him. At 18 my heart was broken and I tried to end my life, and later that year I broke my neck and lay in a hospital bed thinking I was better off not here. Years on, at rock bottom again, I wrote a note, printed it, left it face down and went out in my chair with a plan. I sat there for two hours. What stopped me was my stepdaughter Kember and one thought: I wonder what she will become. I did not want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop, and I think that is true of almost everybody who says they do not want to be here. Around the world 727,000 people a year die by suicide, one every 43 seconds. Three in four are men, and the men most at risk are 50 to 54, which is right where I am. So this is the conversation.

One thing to try: If you are anywhere near that door, ask one question. Not what will I lose, not what will I gain. What will I miss? Then hang on for a few more weeks. And if it is someone you love, ask them: just for a moment, tell me what you would miss.

In this episode

  • (0:00) Who World Suicide Prevention Day is for, and a warning
  • (1:47) 727,000 a year. Three in four are men, and I am the age most at risk
  • (2:53) I was 12 when my granddad went missing from the farm
  • (4:21) 18, heartbroken, and a cry for help
  • (5:35) Lying in hospital with a broken neck, thinking I was better off not here
  • (7:12) The note on the computer, and two hours at the edge
  • (9:21) The thought that stopped me: I wonder what she will become
  • (10:39) A permanent solution to a temporary problem
  • (13:46) The text my daughter sends us now, and why it works
  • (15:58) What will I miss? The one question, and the numbers to ring

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb’s podcast and how you can support his work.

Soften the Self-Blame: A Gentle Morning Meditation

Woke up replaying something you said or did? A gentle morning meditation for the voice inside that says it was your fault.

About 10 minutes with Steven Webb’s calm voice and music underneath.

We don’t argue with the voice. It thinks it is helping, like a guard who shouts to keep you safe. Terrible manners, but a good heart. So we thank it, find where the blame sits in the body, usually the chest or low in the belly, and let that place soften a little on each out breath. Nothing to fix. Then three wishes, said slowly: may I be kind to myself today, may I put down what I cannot change, may I know I am enough, even on the days I get it wrong. You are allowed to begin the day forgiven. I’m human. It’s what we do.

Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for sitting with me.

Steven

Stevens new course: Finding Peace in Everyday Life (you choose how much to pay)

Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?

Support Steven’s work. Treat him to a coffee stevenwebb.uk

Are your boundaries keeping you safe, or keeping you stuck? I have never liked the word. This week a reader called Katherine gave me a better one: gates, not thorns.

I have carers in my life 24 hours a day, so I could not build walls even if I wanted to. I had to grow the strength to let the world in instead, and that is where I stand on boundaries. A red line between two people is healthy. It is an agreement, not a wall. A rulebook the whole world has to obey is not, and the old Buddhist texts do not even have a word for it. What they have is sila, your own conduct. Rules for you, and nobody else. A boundary that never comes down was never protection. It becomes a prison.

One thing to try: Next time you go to defend something, ask one question. Is this a gate or a thorn? Protecting something tender until it is stronger is fine. Refusing the world is not.

In this episode

  • (0:32) Katherine’s email: a garden, not thorny bushes
  • (1:44) Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times
  • (3:35) Carers in my life 24 hours a day
  • (6:16) If you want to learn calm, spend time with your family
  • (7:11) A healthy boundary: not my best today, so I close the gate
  • (8:13) Red lines between two people are different
  • (12:00) The Buddhists had no word for boundaries. They had sila
  • (15:26) Life will not honour your bubble
  • (16:21) A boundary that never comes down becomes a prison
  • (17:44) Where in your life has a wall quietly become a prison?

With gratitude to

Cheryl, Susan, Jane, Ankita, Dan, Cassie, Melanie, Joan and Reishin

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb’s podcast and how you can support his work.

There Is No Steven in Here: What I Learned at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool

Links to Steven Webb’s podcast and how you can support his work.

I was lying on the bottom of a swimming pool with a broken neck. At first I was terrified I was going to die. Then things went warm, and the fear went, because there wasn’t really a Steven there to be frightened.

I was the pool. I was the people next to me. I was the field outside. It took me 20 years to find someone who could tell me what that was.

This episode is about the question underneath every other question. Who am I? Not the dad, the son, the councillor, the bloke in the wheelchair who did the 500 miles. Who is the one behind all of that?

A listener emailed this week. Their child is off to university and they are asking, who am I now? You hold a role for long enough and it becomes you. Then it goes, and you are left holding nothing.

A surgeon could open up my head and dig as deep as he likes. He will not find Steven in there. In deep sleep there is no Steven either. We boot up in the morning like a computer and the roles load in.

So I go looking for who is doing the looking. Who is watching the breath when you meditate. The onion, layer after layer, each one only able to see the one outside it. The Buddha’s answer, anatta, not self. And Jack Kornfield’s smoker who wakes from a stroke and cannot remember he ever smoked.

I am not asking you to wipe out everything you have built in your head. The cities of belief are fine. I just think there is something under them, and once you have seen it the roles become something you can play with rather than something you are trapped in.

My daughter found this terrifying when I told her. I find it the most freeing thing I know.

No adverts, no sponsors, and it stays that way.

What is in this one

  • (00:00) Who is doing the observing, if I’m not the meditator?
  • (02:00) Lily Tomlin always wanted to be somebody, and should have been more specific
  • (03:00) The listener whose child is leaving for university
  • (03:30) Dad on the phone to my daughter, Son to my mum, Councillor to a resident
  • (05:00) The surgeon who could dig through my head and never find Steven
  • (06:00) The ginger haired boy, the joker, the one in the wheelchair
  • (07:00) Why I’m a councillor, and the move to Truro that started it
  • (08:00) Toni Morrison, the onion, and the layer that cannot see five layers out
  • (09:00) Your body knows how to relax, so who did the relaxing?
  • (11:00) Are you aware? The gap at the end of the question
  • (12:30) Anatta, the Buddha’s name for what he could not find
  • (13:00) Jack Kornfield’s smoker who woke up from a stroke
  • (14:00) The tents, the villages and the concrete cities in your head
  • (15:30) The bottom of the swimming pool
  • (16:30) The day I told my daughter and she said stop
  • (17:00) Every moment is a rebirth, and the ego loves it
  • (19:00) Your practice for the rest of the day

Your homework this week

Sit and ask the question, who am I? That’s your practice for the next few hours. Every time you become aware, even slightly, just ask, what role am I playing right now?

And if you catch that little gap of pure awareness and hold it for a few seconds, you’re doing brilliant. You’re doing better than me.

Notable quotes from this episode

“If a surgeon was to open up my head, he could dig as deep as he likes. He’s not gonna find anywhere Steven. It’s not in there.” (05:00)

“I know how to be a human because I am human. I don’t wake up in the morning and go, okay, how do I become human today?” (09:30)

“What are the roles? They’re just memories. They’re just stories you tell yourself. They’re chapters.” (13:00)

“At some point, it wasn’t a fact that I wasn’t frightened. It was because I didn’t really exist. There was like this weird awareness of everything. I was the swimming pool. I was the people next to me. I was the field.” (16:00)

“Every single moment is a rebirth. In the morning, or when you answer the phone, you rebirth that person in that role in that moment.” (17:00)

Links

  • The companion meditation: Becoming the Observer, out in about a week
  • Both courses, donate what you like or have them free: stevenwebb.uk
  • Everything else, including the Weekly Calm newsletter: stevenwebb.uk
  • Now on YouTube: search Stillness in the Storms
  • If you want to treat me to a coffee, it is all at stevenwebb.uk

Thank you

Anita, Brandy, HJ, Irma, Jane, Karin, Lorraine, Sergio, Sue and Yuva. This podcast does not exist without you.