Where does happiness come from

Where does happiness come from?

Now, the answer to this question is easy. It comes from within, that deeper heartfelt knowing that everything is okay just the way it is.

Really? So we just need to slow down and discover within ourselves this unreasonable joy, blissful and everlasting happiness that once discovered, it will mean we never have a bad day again.

What a crock of…rubbish. Or is it?

I’m severely disabled and most people I meet almost always seem surprised by how happy I am; they often mention my attitude and how I cope with my disability, as well as all the everyday mundane things that go with being a parent, working and basically life. There’s one guarantee: Life is relentless. It will constantly throw something your way.

Well, it certainly threw something in my way more times than I can remember. From bankruptcy to broken neck, heartbreak to illness, and yet I still stay relatively positive.

Why is that?

It wasn’t until recently that I discovered the answer to ‘where does happiness come from?‘ and this was after many years of searching for that elusive desire that would make me happy. In the past, it has ranged from financial freedom while I was in a happy relationship to just finding a partner while I was single. There have been times that I believed a night out was all I needed to turn my life around.

I was constantly searching, searching, searching for that one key to my happiness!

I found it and the answer was in a book. Actually, it was within the pages of nearly every self-help, spiritual book you will find. They all said, without any doubt or contradiction, that happiness is found from within.

So why is it so difficult to realise this and to become happy?

This is where the answer becomes difficult. It comes down to our thinking and how we see things. Our mind is split between a caring and very compassionate human, and a subconscious powerhouse that has no moral compass or any ability to understand the difference between right and wrong.

This part is massively important!

We all know smoking, alcohol and fatty foods are bad for us; yet we continue to consume them on a daily basis. Why? Your subconscious mind that controls your habits only cares about ‘instant gratitude’ and ‘self-preservation’. It is worth reading that again.

The instant gratification is clear and most people understand the concept, but what about the self-preservation? This is where your subconscious mind does not like change. It gets a fixed belief of how it should react and think at any given time based on its unfiltered thought. Any challenge to that will almost immediately provoke a reaction of anger or denial.

For example, say to a person that is normally very laid-back that they are really an angry person inside. They would almost certainly get annoyed. Another example; when we make something up just to strengthen our argument when we are losing the debate (be honest; we have all done it). The subconscious mind doesn’t like to be wrong; by nature it is impossible to be wrong since it does not live in a world of duality.

Because of this fixed belief system that cares more about self-preservation than it does the human, the human within us suffers greatly.

Let’s get back to being happy. Now we know the difference between you as a caring human, and you as a habitual creature that will just continue in the same direction.

Happiness is when they both work together for the good of the human, body and soul. It is at that point that there is no longer conflict, nor any angst that causes a tightening from doing the things you don’t want to do.

What can we do about it?

Change your thought process by focusing on the good stuff. You do this by practicing gratitude, eating healthy, and slowing your mind down to create an inner calmness that allows you to think clearly.

I know why I’m happy, now. It’s because I focus on what I can do as well as what I have already accomplished. Do I get bad days? Hell yes, and they are painful. On those days I focus on something different; make myself busy on doing something that is going to improve my life. Something like exercise, plan healthy meals or write something.

It immediately lifts the burden of the moment, simply because you are already improving the situation.

So where does happiness come from?

Within ourselves, it is a choice at any given moment to think or to do something positive.

The answer is really that simple. Practicing positivity is a different story, primarily because you have to revise your old beliefs and habitual patterns that your subconscious mind is so preconditioned to come up with.

Remember, your subconscious mind doesn’t care about you anymore than it cares about the next quick fix.

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Steven Webb View posts by Steven Webb

I am a survivor, meditation and mindfulness coach. I have a stepdaughter and live in sunny Cornwall, UK. I broke my neck at the age of 18 which left me paralysed from the chest down with limited our movement.

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