Feeling exhausted, helpless and lacking confidence. You desperately want to do something with your life. Any motivation or energy you had seems to have fucked off to a sunny destination without you.
How did this happen?
How did I become this person?
You’re spending more time alone, anxious and feeling depressed. Stuck in a rut, and although you know what you should be doing, you don’t have the energy or the drive to do anything about it.
You hardly recognise the person you have become.
You know you have a purpose.
Inside there is deep-seated ambition desperately waiting to make a difference in the world, to leave a legacy. To find that inner spirit that you had as a child so you can become once again who you were before it all went wrong.
You wake up and tell yourself, ‘I can do this‘ then by lunchtime, old habits are setting in, and suddenly six months later, you are feeling helpless, exhausted and beating yourself up for failing again.
I just want to be happy. Surely that is not too much to ask.
Why me? Why does life have to keep me down as it does? I feel like a blind person playing chicken on the busiest motorway in the world.
What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
Yeah well, it certainly does not feel like that. You don’t want to be stronger; you want a break.
Just a little time out.
Is it too much to ask?
You find that little bit of inspiration, and you tell yourself you can do this. Then you hit that circle of guilt and shame. You are uncomfortable, fear sets in then habits take you away from making the change. Then you are feeling guilty, which quickly goes to shame. At this point, you grasp anything for comfort to avoid the reality such as food, alcohol, narcotics or even sex.
And the cycle continues.
Does this sound like any part of your life?
This was me a few years ago. I had everybody telling me what I should be doing. Nobody really understood how tough my life was.
It’s easy for somebody on the outside, they look in and see a quick snapshot. A happy smiling face, a quick flippant reply ‘I’m fine…’ when in reality I was far from it.
Just think positive! Well, damn, why didn’t I think of that?
Give me a break. If it were that easy we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
At this point, I could insert numerous quotes, memes or inspirational videos. And yes they lift us temporarily; however, they do not change our lives.
The brutal reality is this; life is sometimes really damn tough. There is no easy way through.
We spend our life trying to avoid the pain, grabbing hold of the little pleasures in the hope that they will stay so we can disconnect from the underlying agony we are currently going through.
I wanted to do this blog because sometimes motivation is a load of bollocks, and like it or not it does not help most of the time. Go to YouTube, type motivational and instantly thousands of results.
Try it; change your life by watching a video. It doesn’t work.
Again like the quotes, it gives us that little bit of a buzz. That inner light within glows a little brighter temporarily. Then some asshole thought or situation pisses on it within hours.
A little blunt, yep. That’s life.
I broke my neck ended up severely paralysed, been heartbroken, cheated on, bankrupt and unsuccessfully attempted suicide. Life is flipping hard. And anybody that’s had a simple, easy life isn’t going to be prepared or experienced to deal with that curveball when it arrives. Because it will.
Take heart, and you are not alone. Reach out, others have overcome it. Take a breath, let’s hope that tomorrow things can be different.
I haven’t got 5 ways for you to get unstuck. I wanted you to know you are not alone.